Not what you want
by Misura
Summary: He was cold, he was hurting and he was crying ...' (SetoJoey)(references to rape)
1. One

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Joey/Seto, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), thoughts of suicide, slightly dark, oocness. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 29th june 2003, by Misura

**********

His room was cold.

His body was cold as well.

His tears had been hot, leaving a trail of fire as they had slided down his cheeks, but he had run out of tears to cry moments ago, ages ago.

His blood had been hot too, at first. He could still taste its metallic taste in his mouth.

__

"Do you like it rough, lovely?"

A hand shoving him into a wall. He yelped with the pain, hating himself for showing it.

The boy in front of him chuckled.

"So sensitive, are you?"

The voice sounded slurred. Only then did he realize his assailant was drunk and not in control of his actions anymore. Only then he started to panick.

"L-let go of me!" He started to struggle.

"Already? Why, the fun has hardly begun?"

Another chuckle, followed by something that might have been a kiss had it not been so violent.

Teeth bit down on his lower lip, breaking the skin.

The boy on the bed shivered, slowly starting to rock his body back and forth.

He wanted to forget, but couldn't.

He wanted to go to sleep, but feared what dreams might come.

His clothes were lying in a crumpled heap in a corner of the room, too dirty to keep on.

Too filled with memories. He wished he could make them disappear, together with his memories.

__

He had always known the other didn't like him.

They had sparred verbally often enough, only rarely coming to blows.

Neither of them had much taste for violence after events from the past.

Yet there had always been a thin line that was never crossed, a point where they would both back off and leave in relative peace.

There was dislike between them, but no hatred.

There were skirmishes between them, but no war.

When a hand reached for his pants, his mind simply couldn't grasp what was happening at first.

He heard the door to his room open, heard a soft gasp, hesitant footsteps coming closer.

Whimpering he tried to evade the arms that were reaching for him, unwilling for anyone to touch him while he was still this dirty.

He was too weak though. 

Arms encircled him, a soft voice whispering words of comfort and reassurance.

"Hush. Everything's going to be all right."

He shook his head. Nothing was going to be all right ever again.

His body was gently pulled in the direction of the bathroom.

When he stumbled and his knees gave away, the arms were there to catch him.

He could have wept if only he had had any tears left.

__

"Hmmm, you look so pretty when you cry."

A soft laugh.

"Even if it gets your lovely eyes all red and puffed up."

He tried to turn away as a hand gripped his chin, forcing him to look up.

"Ah-ah, I want to see you. Come on, weep for me some more."

He didn't want to.

He couldn't help it though.

Warm water made him go sleepy, as hands held his head above the water-level.

A part of him hated them for that, wanting to have the water fill his lungs. 

It would be a way out. A way out of everything.

The other boy had been right as he said no one really cared for him after all. Especially after what had happened to him, what he had allowed to be done to him.

"Try to keep quiet, please. I don't want you to drown." A soft voice admonished him.

He tried to tell the person it was all right for him to drown, but he lacked the strength.

As a towel was wrapped around his body, he was led to another room, gently laid down on a bed not his own.

He heard the other person shifting away and blindly reached out.

"Stay! Please!" His voice was a hoarse whisper.

"I won't leave you alone. Not ever." A warm weight settled beside him, a comforting familiar presence. For the first time that night he felt safe again.

With a soft sigh he drifted off to sleep.

*****

Mokuba tenderly pulled a blanket over his brother's body, wondering what had happened, but knowing the last thing Seto would want or need right now was him asking questions.

In time, his brother would tell him. It would be his own choice.

When he collected the clothes in Seto's room and saw the blood on the sheets where he had found his beloved older brother cowering like a little child, he couldn't suppress the blind rage that flooded through him.

Whoever had done this would pay for what he had done.

But first, he would have to help Seto recover.

After he had deposited the clothes in a laundry-basket he walked back to his room, settling in next to his brother, for once happy with the large bed that offered enough room for the two of them. He swore he would not let whatever had happened to his brother tonight destroy the life they had built together.

And that he would never let anyone hurt Seto again.

~tbc?~

Author's note : I'm not sure about this really. But, as those who are reading any of my other stories know, I won't be on-line for almost a month so I was curious what people thought of this. 


	2. Two

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Joey/Seto, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness (this means characters acting in ways unsuitable to them and doing and saying things they'd never ever do or say in the 'real' YuGiOh-universe). 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 9th july 2003, by Misura

A big 'thank you' to the people who reviewed the first chapter : 

To Kuramaskoibito : Poor Seto, indeed. Though Joey's not going to be too happy either … I feel so mean sometimes. ^^;

To Ivy Raine : I did! Thanks for making me!

To EternalBanditGirl : Mokuba is cute, yes. I wouldn't refer to any other part of this chapter as 'cute', though that's just me.

To Kaira-chan : I'm afraid it was, indeed, Joey. That's why this has an ooc-warning. I hope you'll enjoy the 'more' I wrote. 

To StrawberryPocky : Thank you for such a nice review! I too see Kaiba as a hard-shell, soft-inside kind of person (sorry if that wasn't what you meant in your review) and it's very nice to hear other people do that as well. Maybe I wrote this in part because of those fics in which Seto's mean to Joey. At least the first chapter.

To nano and lethe : Seto thanks you for the sympathy, while I thank you for the encouragement.

To Pandora : Thank you. I wasn't very sure of that (still am not by the way but … I did write more).

To r*a*d*I*a*n*y : Thank you, thank you, thank you. You've been extremely patient with me, even answering to my e-mail with lots of helpful information and advise. In spite of it all, I still decided to write more for this fic, which you probably won't want to read. Sorry.

To yamigirl3 : Uhm, well there's going to be lots of hints at shounen-ai relationships in this fic, just to warn you. Thanks for reviewing anyway ; glad to hear you enjoyed it regardless of it being not your usual cup of tea.

To Christina Ariko : Wow, thanks! This chapter is way less … intense? Than the first one ; hope you'll like it anyway!

To tasan15 :I'm afraid it was Joey, yes. But hey, they're still in love with eachother, so in time you can hope for a happy ending. 

To DJ Moves : Ehe, don't feel too bad ; the summary was meant to leave people in the dark about who did what. Hope you'll like this new chapter.

To Suppis Tenshi : Some of the things you mentioned are indeed explained in later chapters (thanks for pointing out some more gaps to me ; I'll try to weave them in too), though in part a lot is put on the two basic assumptions behind this fic :

1. Seto loves Joey, Joey loves Seto. Their verbal sparrings stem from a certain frustration since neither of them is able to believe the other feels the same or willing to take a chance in revealing the way they feel. This also serves to explain why Seto didn't manage to get away ; in 'Virtual Worlds' when Mokuba 'dies' (Mokuba being the other person he loves), Seto more or less breaks down and isn't able to do anything for a while, until Yami snaps him out of it. You are fully justified to declare this no real evidence, since it's quite possible he'd have stopped wailing anyway, but that particular scene did help in triggering my inspiration for this.

2. Characters are ooc in this fic. It's in the warning, and it's there for a good reason. 

*

This chapter is mainly about Joey. Oh, and Ryou. In fact, it's more about Ryou than Joey. ^^;

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'.

**********

His head was hurting. 

That was the first thing he noticed, together with the foul taste in his mouth.

The second thing he noticed was that he wasn't in his own room or even in his own house.

He vaguely recognized where he was though he couldn't put a name to it.

"Joey?" There was a soft knock on the door. "Are you awake yet?"

"Bakura? Just a sec." Spotting his clothes hanging over a chair nearby he quickly dressed before opening the door to come face to face with Ryou.

"I have made something to eat. If you're hungry ... " 

Joey's grumbling stomach answered the question. He blushed, waiting for Ryou to chuckle or make a remark on it, but the other boy merely walked to the stairs. Joey followed him, shrugging off the questions that were spinning through his head.

There was enough time for them after he had eaten.

_"He wouldn't ... not Joey." Ryou shook his head._

_/Look at the evidence./_

_Ryou swallowed. _

_There were the clothes, stained with blood not Joey's._

_There was the disappearance of Kaiba, while he had promised Yugi to stay for at least another hour, in exchange for yet another rematch._

_There was Joey himself, dead-drunk and passed out._

_"He couldn't ... he's not like that." Ryou hated the doubt that had crept in his voice._

_/Sober not no./ His yami agreed. /Alcohol does strange things to humans./_

"You're a wonderful cook, Bakura." Joey said with a smile.

Ryou didn't return it, seemingly lost in thought.

"Now, could you tell me how I got here?"

Ryou bit his lip. "What do you remember?"

_"Are you sure this was such a good idea?" Ryou asked as he looked down on the sleeping person. "And shouldn't we call his father to let him know where Joey is?"_

_/Well, I could have left him unconscious on the ground I suppose. Only I thought you wouldn't like that. I can bring him back, if you don't want him here./ _

_"N-no. It's all right. Only ... "_

_/As to calling his father, I'm sure there's no real need. Everyone knows how little he cares about Joey. One night of worry might actually be good for him, if he even *realizes* his son is gone with his alcohol-soaked brains./_

_Ryou sighed. "You're probably right."_

_/Of course I am. Now go put those clothes in the washing machine and get some sleep./_

_"Okay."_

"Hmm, let's see. There was Yugi requesting that horribly romantic song and Mai showing off her new dress. And there was this funny-colored drink Yami had created after an old Egyptian recipe. After that, I can't recall much. I think I went outside for a breath of fresh air or something ... "

/As usual, in the end it's all that stupid Pharaoh's fault!/

"Nothing else?" Ryou asked, studying his mug.

"Nope. Is there anything I should remember?" Joey asked.

"No. Not really."

"Okay then, well, I guess I should go back home now, before Dad gets too worried." Joey rose. "Thanks for taking care of me, Bakura. You're a great friend!"

Ryou didn't reply.

*****

/So, why didn't you tell him?/

"How do you imagine I could do that?" Ryou snapped. "I can't very well say something like 'Oh, and Joey, I'm not sure about this but I think you raped Kaiba last night'."

/Why not? It's true./ 

"He didn't know. And I ... I just couldn't tell him."

/Perhaps you should have./

"If you know it so much better, then why didn't *you* tell him?"

/He's not my friend. Neither is the Priest, Seto./

Ryou sighed. Sometimes his yami seemed to hate the entire world.

/Except you. But seriously, hikari, if he truly is your friend you should have gathered the courage to tell him what he did. He is going to find out anyway, sooner or later./

"I know."

/And what will Kaiba do if he confronts Joey about what he's done and Joey doesn't even remember? Have you considered that?/

"No." Ryou admitted. "I seriously made a mess of things again, didn't I? Maybe I can still catch up with him before school."

/The only ones making a mess were the Pharaoh, Joey and the Priest. Don't you dare start feeling guilty about this whole affair. You're making *me* feel bad about bringing that kid home, instead of leaving him./

/Now go packing your bag. It's time for school./

~tbc~


	3. Three

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Joey/Seto, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 9th july 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the second chapter!

To KuramasKoibito : Uhm *coughcough*, no comments to that first remark.

Bakura : How *dare* you suggest that my hikari would be interested in anyone but *me*?!?

Ryou : We're just friends.

Bakura : You'd better. Or else ...

Thank you for the compliments ; I usually write rather fluffy/happy. This story'll probably degrade into that too sooner or later ^^;. Ah well, hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

To Cherrii : Well, I hope to be able to update once a week, not sure if I'll make it though. I'll try.

Seto : ....

Mokuba : That means : 'thanks for caring'. ^_^

Joey : Thanks for caring! And not blaming me!

Yami : ;_; I didn't mean to! 

Bakura : Hehehehe, how easy it is to manipulate humans! Everyone will hate the Pharaoh now! Ah, sweet revenge!

To Kaira-chan : Well, I hope you won't be too bothered by getting alerted about my Weiss-fics too then ; I update those fairly often too. ^^;

Bakura : You're *so* right about Yami!

Yami *sniffles*

Mokuba : You're *so* right about Seto!

Seto *glares*

To Christina Ariko : I must admit that I am too rabid a fangirl to enjoy Seto/oc-fics. But I am pretty sure I read and reviewed some of your other stories. *runs off to check her review history*

To Kumorimisora : Thank you very much ; I hope this one's as good as the previous one.

To Puffycream : *blushes* Ahem, well, I don't think this story's going to be *that* different from most others that 'start out like this one', though of course I don't know which ones you read. Eventually they're going to confess and kiss and make up of course. Either at a point where it's reasonable and natural to do so, or at the point where I can't take not having them together anymore, whichever comes first. ^^;

To Suppis Tenshi : I'm so glad to hear you like it (and of course I don't bash people for having a different opinion!). In the real world, things probably wouldn't go as in this fic, not even if the two people involved *were* in love, but in fanfiction ...

Seto : I can never forgive Joey.

Mokuba : I will not allow anyone to touch my brother ever again!

... I feel free to exaggerate the power of love a little.

To Dillon : Ouch indeed ; well, I hope ff.net will let you read this chapter. And that you like it of course. Otherwise it wouldn't be much use, ne? ^^;

To Kisakino Ookami : Yup, Yugi'd better think twice before he lets Yami anywhere near the kitchen again.

Bakura : You are, by the way, completely right in your opinion about the Pharaoh. ^_^

To Chibi Seto : Here's the update ; hope you like it. Come on, please don't cry! Even if your older version did, it's just a story!

Seto : And a pretty bad one at that.

*

This chapter focuses mainly on Yugi/Yami and, again, Joey.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'.

**********

The house was quiet as he entered.

He guessed his father was still asleep, a logical thought considering the late hour the man usually went to bed. Besides, he didn't have a job to go to.

Careful not to make any noise he went to his room, to change his clothes and get his things for school. Downstairs he heard the phone ring.

Snatching the last few things he might need, he descended the stairs again to pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Joey? Where were you? I tried to call you earlier but you weren't home."

"I was with Bakura. He found me passed out. Your yami's fault that."

Yugi chuckled uncomfortably. 

_"This is all my fault." Yami whispered, staring down at Kaiba's unconscious body._

_"Of course it isn't!" Yugi replied immediately._

_"Yes it is." Yami persevered. "If I hadn't wanted to try and make that stupid brew for the party, this would never have happened."_

_"Well, maybe." Yugi admitted. "But they have fought before. There's no need for you to be so downcast ; none of those bruises look too serious. The blood makes it look worse than it actually is. We just have to get him cleaned up a little and he'll be fine."_

_Yami stared at him incredulously, but didn't argue. If Yugi didn't *want* to see what had passed between the two boys, who was he to deny him?_

"Yami was very sorry about that. He probably got some of the ingredients wrong." 

Joey snorted. "Yeah, that sounds likely. Next time he wants me to try something, I'll politely refuse though. My head feels like it's going to split."

"Will you be in school today?"

"Yes, it's not *that* bad. And I can't really afford to miss any more classes."

"I'll see you there then. Bye." Yugi hung up, before Joey could say anything more.

_"Why are you staring at me that way, aibou?" Yami asked, looking up from where he was knelt beside Kaiba's body, a wet tissue in his hand._

_"You seem so ... so caring. I thought you didn't like Kaiba." Yugi replied._

_Yami flashed him a small grin. "Not when he's conscious no. In that state, he tends to be annoying and arrogant. But when he's like this ... " He gestured._

_Yugi nodded. "He looks so vulnerable, doesn't he? I wonder if it's just an illusion or if this is how he really is."_

_Yami considered the question. "I don't know. On one hand, there are all the things he said and did to you and to others, aimed to hurt. On the other hand .... "_

_"There's Mokuba. One single person." Yugi finished sadly._

_"And Joey." Yami added softly. "Did you never wonder who paid for Serenity's second operation?"_

_Yugi's eyes widened. "I ... You think it was Kaiba? But why didn't he tell Joey?"_

_Yami shrugged. "Probably he didn't want Joey to feel he owed him anything."_

_"That's ... "_

_"That's not important right now." Yami said briskly. "We have to get him home. Your grandfather's probably worried already why we're so late."_

"Joey? Is that you?" A sleepy voice mumbled.

Only then he noticed the person covered with blankets on the couch.

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't call. I was with a friend." he replied, bracing himself for an angry outburst.

Bloodshot eyes stared at him. "I was worried sick about you. Waited by the telephone all night."

"Sorry." he repeated.

His father sighed. "It's okay. You're old enough to take care of yourself now I suppose."

"I'm off to school." Joey walked away, not feeling like staying in the same room with this odd person who looked just like his father but acted as a stranger.

*****

"What are you thinking about, aibou? It's not like you to be so quiet and brooding."

Yugi bit his lip. "Joey sounded so ... so normal. Like nothing was wrong."

Yami raised one eyebrow. "*Is* something wrong then?"

"Not with me. But ... Kaiba ... he looked awful!"

"The blood made it look worse than it was. You said so yourself." Yami reminded him.

"Still ... if Kaiba's not at school today, I'll call Mokuba to ask about him."

"That sounds like an excellent plan. Now, can I see a smile?"

_Kaiba's head lolled back as Yami cradled him in his arms._

_Yugi had offered to help, but his darker half had declined, claiming it was easier to carry the unconscious boy on his own._

_As they returned hom, Grandfather was alarmed to see the traces of blood on Yami's coat._

_Yugi explained they had brought home a classmate who had gotten into an accident that hadn't been serious enough for the hospital. This explanation reassured the old man a little, though Yugi knew that if Yami hadn't been there, he'd have never been allowed to go to a school-party again._

_Later that evening, lying in the bed he now shared with Yami, he stared at the stars that were visible through his window._

_"Having trouble going to sleep?" Yami asked from behind him._

_Yugi sighed. "I'm scared. They have never been violent enough for one of them to get really hurt before. What if Kaiba wants revenge? He has a lot of influence."_

_Yami pulled the smaller boy closer. "We won't let any of them harm the other. Have faith."_

_"Never give up eh?" Yugi managed a bleak smile. _

_"That's right. Besides, they both respect you. To a certain degree. You're the perfect person to talk some sense into them." _

_Yami felt Yugi's body slowly relax, as the boy fell asleep. _

~tbc~


	4. Four

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Joey/Seto, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 13th july 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the third chapter :

To Cherrii : Yes, Yami is wonderful, isn't he? *sighs dreamily* ^^; I hope so too!

To I love anime HKatherineY1 : Thank you! ^_^

To Gangsta Videl : Well, hope you get your sporks back soon, though maybe you could use them for other things too? I mainly write to preserve my own sanity (writing something down helps me clear my head of the ideas flying around in it, plus it makes sure my muses stop pestering me too much). ^^; Thanks for the encouragement!

To Lethe Seraph : You can take Jou's dad's attitude the way you want to (this fic already has an ooc warning, so I might as well use it ne?), but I mainly wrote him as a sentimental drunk. I think his father does care about Jou, only has a bit trouble remembering it all the time, with all the other trouble in his life. It's easy to strike at someone close to you, especially if you know that someone can't really do anything back. *coughs embarrassedly* Uhm, that was about what I was thinking ; not sure if it makes much sense.

To Kaira-chan : Weiss Kreuz has some yummy bishies, though the story's not always that great. (Ah, you watch Hellsing too? I've only seen a few episodes, I must admit).

Yami : Of course I know what happened! Do I look stupid or blind?!

Yugi : Jou beat up Kaiba pretty bad. But I'm sure Kaiba'll be okay, won't he?

Yami : *pats Yugi on head* : Yes, aibou. Of course.

Yugi may know what happened on a subconscious level, but not really. How could he?

To Joey-lover : Yeah, I'm trying to forget about that too. -_-; But hey, they're getting alng nicely in some other fics of mine, so I feel a little less guilty about this one. I think Joey will either flip or freak out if he finds out. Maybe both.

To Suppis Tenshi : *nods* They seem to come together naturally (unlike certain other persons I could name ...) I'm afraid Yugi won't be the central person in this fic.

Yugi : ;_; I'm almost her least favorite character! Though she'll probably let me cheer up Yami!

I think that Yami, as a one-time Pharaoh is very quick to take responsibilty for something gone wrong, even if it's not really his fault *someone* messed up his brew.

????? : I didn't! Stop looking at me that way!

To FireFaerie1 : Uhm, please leave your hair where it belongs. Here's the next chapter ; hope that sustains you for at least another week. :)

To Rowan and Sakura : Well, some of the flashbacks to come won't be about that night anymore, but more about uhm, other things. Glad to hear you like the plot so far! The ooc-warning also applied to Seto, for crying and for certain things he does later on. I just feel safer that way ; now, when people yell at me with things like 'He'd never do that!' I can say that they were warned. ^^;

This chapter focuses mainly on Joey.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'.

**********

Joey whistled softly as he walked to school. 

The sun was shining, the promise of a beautiful new day. 

His headache was fading to a dull throbbing, just enough to be annoying.

It also bothered him a little he couldn't recall anything of the night before except for a few flashes that seemed to fade as soon as he tried to focus on them.

_Long white hair, brushing against his cheeks._

_.............._

_His own hand, buried in brown hair._

_.................._

_Brown eyes, staring down at him, a hint of amusement in them._

_........................._

_Blue eyes, slowly breaking at the fall of a single tear._

_............................................_

_A purring voice. "So, the puppy *can* do more than just bark. Who'd have thought?"_

_................................................................_

_A gasp of pain. Or was it surprise?_

_......................................................................................_

_A chuckle. "Joey Wheeler. You're not what I expected."_

_.........................................................................................................._

_"J-joey! Don't! Joey .... "_

_...................................................................................................................................._

"Joey!"

He looked up, his headache having returned in full force. "Oh, hi Yugi."

"Is everything all right? You look very pale."

He waved away the other boy's concern. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? After what happened last night .... " Yami's voice trailed off while he gazed at Joey, like he was expecting the blond boy to say something. Or make a confession.

"Uhm, well, the thing is .... "

"Yes?"

"I can't remember a thing." Joey admitted.

He didn't like the look Yugi and Yami exchanged at that.

"Did something funny happened to me? Did I make a fool of myself again?" he asked suspiciously. "Come on guys, you're my friends. Tell me!"

"As far as I know you didn't embarrass yourself in any way." Yugi said cautiously.

Yami remained silent.

"That's good to hear, Yug. Thanks. Kaiba would never let me hear the end of it." Joey was too relieved to notice the expression on the other boys' faces.

"Speaking of Kaiba, where is he? I haven't seen him yet."

"Perhaps he's already inside?" Yugi suggested.

"I didn't know you were interested in seeing him." Yami added, an odd tone to his voice.

"I'm not. I don't care about him. Just curious, that's all." Joey sounded nervous.

_"Have you ever been in love, Joey?" Yugi asked._

_He shrugged. "Yes, I guess."_

_"Really in love I mean. Have you ever loved a person so much there's nothing you wouldn't do to be with him?" Yugi sounded tense._

_He wondered if the other boy had noticed him glancing in Kaiba's direction, whenever he thought no one was looking at him. He hoped not._

_What he felt for Kaiba was something he still hadn't quite figured out himself and he really didn't want anyone else to jump to conclusions._

_"No." he replied therefore, after a short while. "Not like that."_

_Yugi seemed to relax slightly at that. "Would you mind if I was? With a guy?"_

_He blinked. This wasn't about him and Kaiba, but about Yugi and ... _

_"Yami?"_

_The smaller boy blushed. "Yes. I *love* him, Joey."_

_He smiled. "Good for you! He loves you too, Yug. Everyone with eyes can see that."_

_"Thanks for not minding." Yugi really sounded as if he had expected Joey *would* mind._

_"Don't mention it. And if anyone bothers you about this, I'll kick their asses for you."_

_Yugi giggled. "I think Yami's going to do that already. He's so protective of me."_

Kaiba wasn't inside either.

The day passed without a single sign of him.

None of the teachers offered any explanation or commented on the CEO's absence.

"Hey, Joey." Yugi pulled his sleeve as they walked home again.

"Hmm?"

"When I get home, I think I'll give Mokuba a call to ask about his brother. Do you want me to call you afterwards to tell you what he said?"

"Nah. Why'd I care?"

"Oh. Okay."

Yugi watched Joey walk away.

"He's lying." Yami remarked, following his gaze.

~tbc~


	5. Five

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Joey/Seto, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 17th july 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the fourth chapter :

To Ranma Higurashi : Hmmm, didn't that little scene-from-the-past with Yugi and Joey cheer you up just a little? I hoped it would ; I know *I* was in need of some cute scene.

To Joey-lover : He'll probably be feeling much too guilty himself to yell at anyone but himself. *nods wisely* Besides, Yugi doesn't really know.

To Gangsta Videl : Well, to a sappy, romantic reunion, probably with Seto as seme this time, and the finding and eventual punishment of the Villain of course! I wouldn't *dare* to have it end any other way. ^^;

To Kay and Fantasychick : Since you said 'please' ; here it is!

To Suppis Tenshi : *coughs* Ah, sorry. I see I made a mistake in your clue ; it should have read :

"?????? : I didn't! Stop looking at me that way!"

It's not that hard really, so I don't think this hint is too much of a spoiler. Then again, I did write the plot. Ah well, keep in mind that *I* am not in the fic. Neither is Mariku.

To Cherrii : Uhm, they were actually supposed to make sense, the first being Joey's fragmented memories of that night, both of hurting Seto and being carried home by Bakura and the second some scene from longer ago, thrown in for fluff and to show some of Joey's feelings for Seto.

To Rowan and Sakura : Ah, but *is* Seto going to talk? Mokuba is his little brother after all, the one he protects from all things evil and/or hurtful. Plus, won't he know what Mokuba's reaction would be? Still, yes, someone should break the news to Jou. Only it's kind of hard to tell your best friend he may have ruined every chance he ever had with the one he loves.

To Lethe Seraph : Ah well, I thought Jou had earned a caring dad for once. Not that you're going to see that much of the man ...

Seto : What do you mean 'what's Kaiba up to?' ?!?

Mokuba : Seto! Back to bed! Now!

To Kisakino Ookami : Yes, I feel really guilty about this story too. Still, I feel like I can't stop it now ; it's my duty to give them a happy ending to make up for everything I put them through. Whether they want it or not. ^^;

To ChibiSerenity3 : (Uhm, I feel flattered you read [and seem to like] my stories but why does your profile says then that you don't approve of any yaoi-pairing? Just wondering …) Thank you for the praise ; glad to hear you like it so far! As to your quite reasonable question …. Uhm ….

Mokuba : Blame it on oocness! ^_^ It's already in the warnings. Oh, and blame it on my brother's immense crush on Jou, which triggered a shock-effect when Jou grabbed him. 

Seto : According to the author, this inferior version of me wouldn't be able to move or think rationally anymore if the person I was secretly in love with would use any form of physical violence against me, especially not if it would be of the intimate kind. But you're right ; this whole fic is an insult to me.

Yami : Well, maybe my weird drink enhanced Jou's natural strength? 

Seto : Like he has any. -_-

Jou : Hey! I heard that!

Seto : Oooh, now I'm scared. -_-

*

This chapter focuses mainly on Mokuba and Seto.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'.

**********

"What do you mean : you can't tell me who did it? You were there ; you must have seen at least something!" Mokuba yelled angrily.

On the other end of the line, Yugi shifted uneasily. "I'm sorry, Mokuba. It's just - "

"It's just that it's *Kaiba*, isn't it?" Mokuba said bitterly. "If this had happened to anyone else, like Jou or Anzu, you'd be running to help them, but since it's - "

"That's not true! I ... we do care about him." Yugi protested.

"Liar!" Mokuba cried. "Liarliarliar!"

"Mokuba, calm down! Getting hysterical isn't going to help anyone and neither is upsetting my hikari." Yami had taken over the phone from Yugi as he had seen his aibou getting distressed by the turn of the conversation. His voice sounded cold, yet also soothing.

"Why won't you tell me?" Mokuba wailed.

"What we have seen is not enough to accuse *anyone* with certainty. So it's better if we don't tell you anything." Yami lied, unscrupulously.

"Whatever." Mokuba sighed, knowing defeat when faced with it. "I'll let my brother know you were concerned for him."

"Thank you. Oh, and Yugi'd like to come for a visit ; will you let us know when he can drop by? I think it would be good for Kaiba to have some distraction."

"Bye." Mokuba hung up.

_"No." he said sternly, blocking Seto's route to the door. "There's no way you're going to go to school today, big brother. I won't have it."_

_"Mokuba! Get out of my way!" Seto glared._

_"No. First you tell me who did this to you."_

_"Mokuba ... it's none of your business. I can deal with this."_

_"I won't let you face him alone. I just won't." Mokuba jumped forwards, glomping his brother._

_"Mokuba ... "_

_"I love you, older brother. Stay home." _

_"Only for today." Seto gave in. _

Mokuba drummed his fingers on the desk. He had given his brother something to make him sleep peacefully, after he was woken to the sound of his screams last night.

Meanwhile he meant to find the one responsible and make sure he would never come near his beloved brother again. Unfortunately no one seemed to be willing to help him.

Tomorrow, he wouldn't be able to keep Seto home. 

And while Seto might think he could face the world again, Mokuba feared he would break down. In front of all those people who hated him because they didn't really know him.

The sound of the doorbell ringing woke him from his somber reveries.

_With a gasp, he slammed into the door of his locker._

_He knew there'd probably be bruises, meaning he'd have to lie to his brother again about how he got them._

_That hurt him more than the bruises themselves ; that he had to lie to the person he loved most._

_But if Seto'd ever find out, he'd get in trouble._

_Because Seto wouldn't hesitate to hit back. If Mokuba told him other boys were bothering him as bad as this, his brother would come and pay injury for injury._

_And be blamed for being a bully and beating younger children up._

_Whenever either he or Seto got into a mess, *they* were held responsible. _

_It wasn't fair._

He opened the door to come face to face with one of the last persons he'd expected to see.

"Jounouchi." His voice sounded surprised.

"Just Jou will do. Good afternoon, Mokuba." The other seemed to be a bit nervous.

"Why are you here?"

"Well, I heard Kaiba was ill so I thought I'd drop by and ..." Jou's voice trailed off as he looked at his feet, not sure how to explain his motivations for coming here.

"Some distraction may do him good. Just try not to argue with him too much, okay? I'll go ask if he feels up to visitors. Be back in a sec!" Mokuba sprinted away, before Jou could protest.

_"You know, big brother, you talk about Jounouchi a lot."_

_"Hm." Seto didn't take his eyes off the computer-screen but Mokuba knew he was listening._

_"I'd almost think you had a crush on him." Mokuba giggled._

_"Very funny." Seto replied drily, without a hint of amusement in his voice._

_Mokuba sighed. "I think it'd be very cool if you got a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend."_

_At this, Seto did turn around. "Why?"_

_He shrugged. "I just do. I want to see you happy."_

_Seto snorted. "I love you little brother, but sometimes you have the oddest ideas."_

He softly entered his brother's room, tip-toeing inside. 

"I'm awake." Seto told him with his eyes still closed.

"Oh. Good. There's someone here to see you." Mokuba said cheerfully.

"Who is it?"

"Guess." Mokuba grinned. "I'll give you a hint ; he's blond and you have a crush on him."

"Jounouchi." Seto whispered.

"Yes. I think he likes you too." Mokuba failed to notice the expression on his brother's face, too absorbed in his happy fantasy. "I mean, why else would he come to see you?"

"Yeah, why else?" Seto echoed.

"Now, I expect you to be nice and not argue with him." Mokuba warned him, bouncing off to get Jou. He was sure this visit might be just the thing to have his brother regain his spirits again.

~tbc~


	6. Six

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Joey/Seto, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 17th july 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the fifth chapter :

To Ramna Higurashi : Yeah, I think you're right. *sighs sadly* Ah well, the sooner I get through this, the sooner I can get to the parts I like. ^^; That does sound so selfish, sorry. Hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

To Joeylover : -_-; parents can be weird. Ah well, glad to hear you share my fondness of Mokuba.

Seto : -_- Want him? Please take him before he drives me insane!

Mokuba : *pouts* Awww, big brother! You don't mean that!

To Kay and Fantasychick : Yes and yes. ^^;

To Mel Gods : Well, I think there've been fics written about just about every character being raped. ;_; Authors seem to have a sadistic stroke in them (me included ^^;). 

Seto : Thanks for the sympathy. 

To ... : Officially this fic's updated every Wednesday. Thanks for reviewing!

Mokuba : Uhm ... technically you should listen to your parents.

Seto : -_- Like you always immediately do what I tell you to do.

Mokuba : ^_^;

To Nazzy Nazzy Nazgirl : Glad you like it!

Mokuba, Seto, Ryou, Yami : Because we sure don't!

To SilverMist4 : Argh ... must not look at puppy eyed reviewers ... must ... write fic. ^^; Actually I ran out of time and inspiration while I'd already crossed the minimal amount of words. 

Mokuba : This authoress's really lazy.

To Li : Well, I aim for chapters with between 800 and 900 words, not including replies to reviews. That allows me to update reasonably often. ^^; Hope the wait wasn't too long.

To Gangsta Videl : I do? *grimaces guiltily* Sorry.

Seto & Joey : -_- We thought we'd only get fluffy romances.

Mokuba : ^_^;

Pegasus/Crawford : Not even *we* can predict what small twists she'll come up with.

Ah well, as long as people like it ... uhm, readers I mean, I don't feel too bad.

To ChibiSerenity3 : *coughs* Oh, oh, sounds like I'm corrupting you. ^^; Ah well, glad to hear you're enjoying this piece of shounen-ai so far.

To Suppis Tenshi : Uhm, well, I just find it a whole lot easier to write Mokuba bouncy and innocent than vengeful and mad at Jou. So I keep postponing him finding out about the truth.

Mokuba : -_- So basically, she's denying my intelligence, to preserve my cuteness.

Glad to hear this humble piece of writing could mean something for you. *blushes*

Seto : The decision's all mine to make. [insert that evil, maniacal laugh we'll never hear from him since he's way too cool to laugh that way]

Mokuba : Uhm, big brother? Are you all right?

To Rowan and Sakura : *coughs guiltily* I'm afraid this chapter's end another cliff-hanger. Sorry.

Mokuba : You can leave off the 'for a kid my age'. I'm a lot smarter than anyone, even grown-ups. ^_^

Jou : Before I remember what? ;_; Why won't anyone *tell* me?

Seto : Hush, puppy.

To Kisakino Ookami : Glad you liked the slightly fluffy flashback-scenes. Hope you'll like this chapter too.

To Blood Shed Red : Well, I don't think Jou would've been too happy to hear Yugi liked *him*, f.e.

Bakura : Where did you get those clones of me and my hikari?!? They're seriously flawed.

Marik : Oooooh, cool pen-name! ^_^

Bakura : Well, yeah, but …. *glomps Ryou* He's MINE! Body and soul.

Ryou : *whimpers* o.O

To Dillon : You're wrong. No really. Seto did enough crying in the first chapter to last for the whole fic.

Jou : You think I'm able to be nice around Kaiba? Wow, thanks for the confidence!

Mokuba : -_-;

This chapter focuses mainly on Mokuba, also on Seto and Joey (bet that surprises you, ne? ;) ).

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'.

**********

"Follow me, please." Mokuba smiled friendly as he noticed Jou's hesitation.

After some consideration he had decided to pump Jou for information *after* his visit to Seto rather than before ; he wanted Jou to cheer his brother up, not remind him of what happened.

In fact, he wasn't even sure if Jou had been there ; hadn't Seto remarked once on Jou having a rather tyrannical father? Mokuba couldn't remember any details, but told himself he'd look into it as soon as he had seen Jou off.

Perhaps he could help his brother in this small way, by helping someone his brother loved, but was too proud to confess to.

_"Mr. Kaiba, do you have any explanation for your behavior? Any explanation as to why you attacked three children much smaller and weaker than you, beating them up without any provocation on their side?"_

_"They hurt Mokuba!" Seto slammed his fist on the table, looking furious. "They hurt him and you did *nothing* to stop them! How *dare* you act as if *I* am the one doing something wrong?!"_

_A condescending smile with an edge of sharpness to it. "Little boys play rough sometimes, Mr. Kaiba. It's commendable you wish to protect your brother but in this case, your reaction was grossly out of proportions. Surely you can see this now?"_

_He felt sick as Seto shook his head angrily. "It wasn't like that!"_

_The smile was kept in place. Barely. "Mr. Kaiba, you can't come running any time your brother stubs his toe. I assure you we keep a good eye on our pupils ; if anyone were to seriously mistreat Mokuba, we would be the first to notice, believe me."_

_He could see the angry protests rising to Seto's lips, words that would only make matters worse. Why hadn't he been more careful in hiding his bruises? This was all his fault!_

_"Seto ... it's all right." he whispered, speaking for the first time._

_"Of course I will have to inform your stepfather of this ... unfortunate incident."_

_"No ... I mean, please don't." Mokuba pleaded._

_The man smiled at him reassuringly, ruffling a hand through his hair._

_"Don't worry, Mokuba. No one's going to blame you for what happened. You can go back to your class now."_

"Here we are." He opened the door, pleased to see Seto had gotten out of bed and even dressed for his visitor. His brother was sitting in his favorite chair, half covered by a blanket.

"You can come in now." 

Jou slowly walked into the room, again with that brief hesitation. Mokuba wondered how bad Jou had lost his last argument with Seto ; it had to have been quite something to make him act as apprehensive as this.

"Would you like something to drink? Seto? Jou?"

He was starting to feel a bit self-conscious, being the only one talking. Both older boys shook their head. The room turned silent again. 

"Why don't you sit down, Jou?" Mokuba proposed. "Meanwhile I'll go get uhm ... "

"My deck." Seto whispered.

"Yes, that's right ; I'll go get Seto's deck. You brought yours, didn't you?" Mokuba beamed at Jou, who nodded. Mokuba felt his spirits rise again ; beating Jou should definitely cheer Seto up, even if he had never *not* won from Jou, inspite of the blond's best efforts.

_"Big brother?" he asked, waiting for Seto to turn around and give him his full attention._

_Which Seto did, after a few seconds, spent on saving the document he had been working on. _

_"Yes, Mokuba?"_

_"Why are you always so cheerful after you've dueled Jou?"_

_Seto frowned. "Because I like to be victorious?"_

_He shook his head. "You're never this cheerful after any other duel. I've watched you. Only duels with Jou make you smile when you go home."_

_"Perhaps I find his ranting and raving at having lost to me again amusing?" _

_He considered this for some time. He sensed there was a grain of truth in it, but that there was something else too. Something deeper._

_"You like making fun of him, don't you?"_

_Seto shrugged. "He's easy to bait. He's like ... well, I don't know what to compare him with."_

_"A puppy?" He proposed with a grin._

_Seto chuckled. "I was actually looking for something a bit more dignified. Jou is very much ... alive. That's the best way I can describe it. If I am ice, he is fire."_

_Opposites attract. He didn't say it aloud, but it was the first thing on his mind._

It was easy to find Seto's deck ; his brother always had it with him wherever he went, except when he went to sleep. Mokuba had deposited his clothes of the other night in the laundry basket, removing the cards first and placing them on his nightstand, where Seto could see and pick them up without too much trouble.

That was where they still were. Grabbing the deck, he sprinted back, halting in front of the closed door. He could hear voices coming from the inside, though he couldn't make out the words.

By walking in now, Mokuba reasoned, he might interrupt something important. It was much better if he'd wait outside, at least while they were still talking, as opposed to yelling.

And since he lived here, it was no more than his good right to eavesdrop a little, wasn't it? Seto had never told him he couldn't ... which made it allowed by default.

_"This time I'll beat you, Kaiba!" Jou declared solemnly, drawing his first hand._

_"You're free to try, though I wouldn't bet on it." Seto replied._

_"Arrogant prick!"_

_"Stupid mutt."_

_He wondered if he had missed something ; a look, a hidden insult?_

_One moment, they had behaved normal, the next, they were calling eachother names._

_He knew his brother well ; it was not his nature to waste words. If something displeased Seto, he ignored it until he could do something about it. The same went for persons ; a blundering employee could count on a short 'You're fired' being the only words spoken to him before security escorted him or her outside._

_So what prompted this stream of insults to Jou? He had seen the boy duel before ; Jou wasn't bad or something. Besides, Seto had challenged him just as often as the other way around._

_They both *wanted* to duel and then when they got together, they behaved like little children, no, worse, like little, spoilt *girls*, using words as their weapons rather than letting their cards speak for themselves._

_It made no sense._

_He sighed and decided he had a lot to learn about life. And love. Or maybe it was *them* who had to learn._

~tbc~


	7. Seven

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Joey/Seto, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 20th july 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the sixth chapter :

To JuniperMoon : Thanks for reminding me of the greatest sin I ever committed in fanfiction so far. ;_;

Mokuba : It *was* Joey.  I'll only refrain from killing him because Seto still loves him.

Pegasus : Of course, with the potion, one could argue whether or not it was really the essence of Jounouchi Katsuya who committed that crime …

To ChibiSerenity3 : I did! ^_^ Hope you like it.

To Kaira-chan : It seems ff.net has some problems … again. Sorry. As to your questions ; read and find out!

To Seto-Kaiba's-Fan : Thank you, hope this chapter won't bore you either.

To Kyuugi : Sometimes I feel like I'm writing Mokuba much too mature and ooc … in the anime he doesn't look his age most of the time I think. But I need *someone* with a bit of sense in this fic. Nobody else seems to have much of it. ^^; (Well, that *and* a certain influence on Seto).

To Ramna Higurashi : I did my best, hope you'll like it!

To Cherrii : Glad to see someone smiling! ^_^ This chapter's a bit less cheerful I'm afraid but it'll get better. I hope.

To Jherrus : I admit I aimed for the surprise a bit. (*Shrimps*?!? Uhm, okay. I won't ask. But …) Thanks for the praise!

To Suppis Tenshi : Glad to hear you *enjoyed* those lines rather than went '-_- Here we go again' at them. You'll find out their topic of conversation below, though there *will* be another cliffhanger, courtesy of Mokuba, who just can't keep quiet.

Mokuba : *sighs* You're just using me to make the fic last longer. Well, and to get them together. I hope.

To Rowan and Sakura : Hmmm, I'm curious if you still think so at the end of *this* chapter. ;)

To Mel Gods : *nods and muses on her motivations for writing* Well, I did went 'Poor Kaiba' a few times in the anime too. Especially when he defeated Yugi/Yami (Misura : You're so pathetic I pity you!) and when he was defeated by Pegasus (Misura : Nooo! Poor Mokuba! ;_;). ^^; I think he just radiates 'I hate pity' too much.

Jou : And he's really mean, cold and in general a bastard. If I may say so. Of course I'm only speaking in-character here, as opposed to the Jou in this fic. ^_^;

To Lethe Seraph : Well, hope you survived until now. ^^; And that you'll find this chapter worth the wait of course.

*

This chapter focuses mainly on Seto and Joey (finally ^^;). It also contains only one flashback.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'.

In the flashback, Shizuka/Serenity calls Jou 'Kat', short for Katsuya. 

**********

Jou sat down. The chair he picked wasn't the one furthest from Kaiba, nor the one closest ; it allowed him to talk to the other without having to raise his voice.

Kaiba looked at him and Jou noticed a glimmer of emotion in those usually cold eyes, a crack in the mask Kaiba never seemed to drop, except in front of Mokuba. He knew he was the cause of it, only he had no idea how or why. It made him uneasy.

"So." Kaiba said softly. "You decided to keep your distance."

As did the tone of voice Kaiba used. Something important had changed between them, yet he didn't have a clue what. Knowing Kaiba, he couldn't expect a straight answer out of that source. Which meant he'd have to play the game without any knowledge of either the rules or the stakes.

"Isn't that what you want me to do?" he replied.

Kaiba shrugged. "Since when do you care about what *I* want?"

"You're right, I don't." He rose and sat down opposite Kaiba. "And since we're about to Duel, I might as well go sit somewhere a little closer."

"Do you enjoy being beaten by me?" Jou wondered where the hint of amusement had gone that always accompanied questions like that.

"No one enjoys losing. But it's fun to try to win from you. One day, I know I will defeat you."

"Haven't you already?" Kaiba mumbled. Jou wasn't sure if he'd heard correctly.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"The one day you'd defeat me. Hasn't that day passed already?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Jou was confused ; surely he'd remember finally triumphing over Kaiba? What was the other getting at?

"At the party?" Kaiba's mouth twisted at the word. "Do the bells start ringing yet?" Kaiba started to sound angry. It was almost reassuring to hear for Jou ; this he was familiar with. 

"I don't remember a thing from that night ; Yami fed me one of his experiments again." Jou spat out the words, surprised by the impact they had.

"Yami? But why would he .... what would he have to gain ... ?" Kaiba stuttered. Jou wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't been there himself. 

"Yeah, he got the proportions wrong again, the idiot." Jou chuckled, trying to lighten the atmosphere. After all, he had promised Mokuba he wouldn't upset his brother.

"An accident." Kaiba stared at something behind him. "Being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Again."

Jou was beginning to get worried. Kaiba was acting very odd, for which, knowing Mokuba, *he* would be blamed. Also, there was some part of him that said Mokuba would be right in doing so, that somehow he *had* done something to make Kaiba act as he did.

"So, would you mind filling me in?" he asked.

Kaiba blinked, seemingly only now remembering he wasn't alone. "Yes." he replied curtly.

"What do you mean 'yes'?" Jou demanded.

"Yes, I would mind 'filling you in' as you so nicely put it!" Kaiba snarled. 

"What's your problem? It was a perfectly reasonable request!" Jou yelled back.

"No, it wasn't. But you wouldn't understand that."

"Why don't you try to explain it to me then?" Jou inquired.

"I can't. Not without telling you what happened." Kaiba shook his head.

"Because I'm some stupid mutt?" Jou didn't know why he wanted to pick a fight all of a sudden, but it felt like a good idea at this moment somehow. He knew how to deal with a fight.

"No. I know you're not."

Jou blinked. "Would you mind repeating that? And having me tape it that time?"

Kaiba smiled. All right, so it wasn't much more than a very slight curling of his lips, but Jou knew by now that was as much of a smile as Kaiba'd ever show. To him, at least.

He ignored the small voice in his head that promptly asked when he had gotten interested in whether or not Kaiba was smiling. 

"Yes."

Jou sighed. It had been too much to hope for. Still, it was something.

"Can I ask other people about what happened that night?"

Kaiba raised one eyebrow. "You want my permission?"

"Well, it's pretty obvious you're rather affected by it. But I don't recall a thing. So maybe, if it's okay with you, we can just forget about it and go on the way we were."

_*crack*_

_"Don't you ever speak to me like that again!" His mother stood bended over his father, who had come home drunk and made some rather inpolite remarks. He didn't even know what they had been ; he and Shizuka had woken from the sound of their mother's yelling._

_"Please. My head hurts." His father moaned, trying to get away from his outraged wife._

_"I don't care! What kind of an example do you think you give to our children, behaving like this? Your selfish behavior will ruin their future as well!"_

_She slapped him again._

_"It was just ... all the guys were there. I couldn't decline ; it would have been bad for my career. Please. You know I love you. I didn't mean it."_

_"I don't care for your excuses. You're pathetic and I don't know why I ever thought you and me could raise a family." His mother raged. "You said you'd get a raise in pay soon, but that was months ago and nothing happened. I've had my fill of disappointments."_

_His father noticed him and Shizuka, staring at the scene with wide, scared eyes. _

_"Love ... the children."_

_His mother turned, frowning. "What are you doing here? You two should be in bed! Shoo, go back to your rooms. Mom and dad are having a private conversation."_

_"You were shouting at eachother. You woke us up." he remarked, a little scared._

_"Don't you love eachother anymore? Are ... are you going to divorce and leave me and Kat alone?" Shizuka seemed near tears._

_His mother knelt down and hugged his sister. "Of course not, honey! I'd never do that to you!"_

_She rose again. "Now, back to bed!"_

_They went obediently._

_Two weeks later, his mother was gone. She had taken Shizuka with her, but not him._

_Three weeks later, he had the courage to ask his father why she had left._

_His father sighed and replied : "Some things are impossible to forget. Or forgive. It was my own fault your mother left me. I deserved it, no matter how sorry I am. Now all I have left is you. Please remember that, son ; you're my only reason for living now."_

_He had nodded, not daring to say he still wished his mother and sister were here._

"I'm not sure if that's possible." Kaiba hesitated. "But I think I want to try."

"Of course, you could treat me a bit nicer. I mean, I don't really enjoy being called names *that* much." Jou joked.

"I'll think about it." Kaiba answered seriously. "Would you ... like to shake my hand?"

As there came a noise from the door, they both turned their heads.

"NO! Don't you dare touch my brother!" Mokuba tumbled into the room, running over to Kaiba and slapping away Jou's hand. 

"Mokuba!" Kaiba sounded half-angry, half-afraid.

"How can you be so nice to him while he raped you!" Mokuba yelled.

~tbc~


	8. Eight

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Joey/Seto, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 21st july 2003, by Misura

I could choose between publishing today, without review-replies, or publishing tomorrow, with replies. I chose the first. A very big thank you to those who reviewed ; without you this chapter wouldn't have been here.

This chapter focuses mainly on Mokuba, Seto and Joey. Oh and Ryou/Bakura pops up too.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'.

**********

The words seemed to echo in Jou's head over and over again.

_"How can you be so nice to him while he raped you!"_

_" .... while he raped you."_

He felt sick, even more so because he didn't have the slightest doubt Mokuba was speaking the truth ; it explained everything, from Ryou's odd behavior to Kaiba's reluctance to tell him about what had happened.

Ryou had known. Which meant Bakura knew it too and perhaps even Yami. Or Yugi.

Only *he* hadn't, and with his typical stupidity had walked straight up to Kaiba, as if nothing had happened. He wondered how he could have been so stupid, so blind.

He wondered why he felt so numb, why he couldn't cry or yell or just *do* something.

_"I think maybe I should leave now." His voice sounded a lot steadier than his knees felt._

_"Yes. I think you should." Mokuba replied, sounding more like his big brother than Seto had done in their earlier conversation, before he'd burst in on them._

_"I didn't mean to hurt him." He defended himself, even as his own conscience yelled at him he was guilty. And the words were so hollow, meaningless and over-used._

_"Leave us alone!" Mokuba yelled, little fists balled at his side._

_He wondered at that phrase 'us' briefly, before nodding and leaving, feeling like a whipped dog, stealing away to lick its wounds._

_"Jou ... " He almost missed Seto's soft call, wished he had missed it._

_Wished he could cry for what might have been, if only .._

*****

"No! Stay here!" Mokuba said sharply, as Seto stepped forwards to follow Jou. 

"Mokuba ... you shouldn't have done that."

"Done what?" he demanded. "Tell him the truth? That's considered a virtue, you know. Besides, *someone* had to do it."

"You could have phrased it a bit more gently." Seto protested.

"He didn't deserve that, not any more than he deserves your love. *I* love you, Seto, more than he ever will. Isn't that enough? You once promised the two of us would always be there for eachother, are you coming back on that promise now?"

_"He hurt you." He wailed. "That bastard hurt you again! I hate him!"_

_"Mokuba ... you shouldn't talk about him that way. He's our stepfather." Seto murmured._

_"I don't care! He'll never be my real family! You are. You alone."_

_"I love you too, little one." Seto gave him one of his rare smiles._

_'Everything is going to be all right' that smile said. He knew that was a lie._

_He also knew Seto hadn't meant to lie to him ; his brother just wanted to protect him._

_As he hugged Seto, he noticed the other's wincing. Seeing the bruises, made him go white with rage all over again. _

_"It's not as bad as it looks."_

_"I wish he was dead! He doesn't deserve to live!" _

_Seto didn't deny it, merely sat there, rocking him gently._

_"We can get through this, Mokuba. Together, we will. I will protect you forever. I promise."_

_"And when I grow up, I'll protect *you*, big brother."_

_Seto smiled again._

"He wasn't himself when he hurt me. This isn't like it was back then, Mokuba."

He looked up, surprised Seto had guessed his thoughts so easily.

"That's what he said but ... " He bit his lip.

"There's no 'but'. He deserves a second chance." Seto said fimrly.

"Maybe you're right." The last thing he wanted was to get into an argument with his brother over that stupid Jou. "Only nobody ever gave *you* a second chance. They all take one look at you and think you're a cold, uncaring person. It's not fair."

"I know. Yet together ... "

" ... we can get through this." Mokuba finished.

"Thank you for being there whenever I need you. I'm sorry if you feel I'm putting too much value on Jou. It's just ... " Seto shrugged apologetically.

"You have a crush on him. That's okay, I understand. I'll help you try and make things right between the two of you again." Mokuba smiled.

"I love you." Seto returned the smile with that special one of his own that said everything would turn out all right. And Mokuba wanted to believe he was right.

*****

He had no idea where he was going ; not home or to Yugi's anyway.

As he bumped into someone else who took offense and started yelling at him, he gave no reply but a muttered apology.

Even when the man grabbed his jacket and starting shaking him like a rag-doll, he didn't react, didn't fight back. His body hung limp, like all will to move had deserted it.

While the tirade washed over him, his mind went numb.

_What does it matter?_

_Isn't this a mere fraction of what I deserve?_

*****

/What's the matter, hikari?/

"That bully's got his hands on some poor kid again." Ryou shifted uneasily. He had been one of the older boy's usual victims before his yami put an end to it.

/So? what's it to you?/

"Can't you .. well, help?" Ryou would have done it himself, if it wasn't for the certain knowledge he wasn't able to do much without Bakura.

/You want me to beat him up?/ His yami sounded slightly amused, knowing Ryou didn't like violence much.

"Just ... make him stop pestering that boy."

/Your wish is my command./

~tbc~


	9. Nine

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Joey/Seto, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 24th july 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the eighth chapter :

To Ranma Higurashi : Well, he had good reason to react the way he did I think. Still, I do admit I feel very sorry for Jou too. And for Seto. And for Mokuba. And for ... uhm. ^^;

To Silver Mist4 : Read and find out ; this chapter's all about them. :)

To Seto-Kaiba's-fan : Thank you! :)

To Rowan and Sakura : My next review? Guess that depends on your next fic, ne? But yes, this story's usual update takes place at Wednesday ; I assume you were referring to that?

Bakura : And Jou'd better be grateful or else ...

Seto : Sweet and endearing?!? *I* did something sweet and endearing?!? Wah!

Mokuba : ^_^; 

To YAMIGIRL3 : I will! I can't resist a cute puppy-look. In that one thing, I'm just like Kaiba. ^^;

To Tokichan : Thank you, I will!

To ~*lilrubydevil*~ : Well, Bakura's going to save him from the bully, don't worry.

Jou : And who's going to save me from Bakura, huh? ;_;

To Mel Gods : Blame me, I just couldn't keep the secret any longer. -_-;

Seto : I'll have you know I'm one of the tallest characters in this serie. I'm not 'little Seto'!

To Cettie-girl : Yes, poor Ryou, ne? He just can't win. As to Seto finding Jou, that'll be a bit hard, considering Mokuba won't let him go out of the house. In time though ...

To Suppis Tenshi : Thank you very much. ^_^ Yes, I love those two too. Guess it shows, ne? ;)

Bakura : Do I look like an altruist to you? *puts up sign reading 'I'm The Villain!!!'* And what's this about me needing to be with my hikari? Like I have a choice!

Ryou : I'll do my best to patch up Jou, both ways. *glares at his yami* And maybe get a few simple truths across to a certain irresponsible yami as well. *puts up sign reading 'I Love My Yami Only He Doesn't Know It Yet'*

To Leaf Zelindor : Hmm, yes I agree. Though I do feel kind of hypocritical, considering how often *I* stay up for most of the night to read ... Glad you liked it though! :)

To Jherrus : Yes, some people are weird like that. ^^; Fluff? The stuff seems to creep in each and every story I write somehow, even if it's not really supposed to.

To Kisakino Ookami : Thanks for the encouragement!

To Kaira-chan : Not pointless at all ; I like to hear which characters people like best. ^_^ Thanks!

To Kyuugi and IIsha : Yes, everything's going to be all right, don't worry.

Bakura : The world always looks better when I get to beat someone up. ^_^ Though you really don't see much of it. Squeamish authoress, you know.

To DBZEcoGoth : (Wow, you have a wide range of interests it seems! ^^;)  Thanks for the encouragement!

To hieiandkuramalover : Nope this fic's ending will be really happy. Because I'm writing it. ^^;

To Ivy Raine : Thanks and here it is! 

This chapter focuses mainly on Ryou, his yami and Joey.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body.

**********

He could feel Ryou shiver, while his soul shouted silently, elated at the prospect of violence.

/Little hikari. Go to your soulroom and I will call you when it's over. There's no need for you to stay here and watch./

//But ... //

/Your presence is not required right now. Please, Ryou ... /

He didn't have to fake concern for his light.

/Don't you trust me?/

Or vulnerability.

_Ryou was lying on his bed, sobbing softly, inaudible._

_He wished he could talk to someone who would understand, but the only person he could think of was Yugi. _

_"I thought I hated him." he told the wall._

_"I thought I wanted to be rid of him."_

_"I was wrong."_

_A shadow nodded, unseen, yet it remained hidden for the boy._

_"He was a part of me."_

_"I can't live without him."_

_"I'm not whole without him."_

_"I wished he'd come back to me. No matter what he did to me. We belong together."_

_The shadow slipped away from the wall._

_/Your wish is my command, hikari./_

_"Yami ... " Ryou breathed the word, while he felt the shady presence slip back into the corner of his mind that had been achingly empty for far too long._

_There were no accusations, no questions or promises asked. There only was acceptance._

_/I will protect you from all who would harm you, hikari. This, I swear./_

"My, my, if it isn't the puppy." Bakura looked sneeringly down on the person the bully had been occupied with. The fight hadn't lasted as long as he'd hoped, maybe because the boy had still remembered the broken nose Bakura had given him in their last confrontation.

"Don't call me that." Jou whispered, making no attempt to get up.

Bakura was tempted to kick him. "Is that exclusively Kaiba's privilege?"

Jou's face became even paler than it already was.

The yami hid his grin. 

_So ... he knows now._

_I wonder who told him._

_Or did the memories came back on their own?_

"What is it, embarrassed I know your dirty little secret?" Bakura taunted. "O-oh, Jounouchi, you're simply so easy to read. *Everyone* could see you have a crush on him."

_/Is Kaiba coming as well?/_

_Ryou blinked, halting his work on the snacks for tonight's party for a moment._

_"I think Yugi invited him, for old times' sake, but he's probably too busy to be there."_

_/'For old times' sake'? As if *he*'s the one who rescued Yugi over and over again rather than the other way around. He ought to be *grateful*./_

_"Kaiba's not a very easy person." Ryou remarked idly, wondering why his yami was going on about this subject._

_/Hn. Jounouchi's coming though, isn't he?/_

_Ryou laughed, resuming his work. "Of course he is! Free food and drinks ; nothing could keep him away! You know how he is."_

_/Ah, yes. Jounouchi, the eternal hungry one. For food and ... other things./_

_There was an odd purr to his yami's voice Ryou didn't particularly like._

_"What do you mean by that?"_

_/Nothing, hikari. Absolutely nothing. Be careful you don't cut yourself./_

_"Of course I'm - ow!" _

_/Shall I finish it? I'm pretty good with knives you know./_

_"Please. And ... could you bandage my finger? I don't like the sight of blood."_

_/Neither do I. At least, not when it's yours. Be at ease, hikari-koi. I'll take care of everything./_

_"Thank you." Ryou whispered, before releasing control and retreating to his soulroom. "Call me when you're done."_

_/I will./_

Jou remained silent. 

Bakura sighed, hauling the blond to his feet and starting to drag him along.

"I'm growing rather tired of wasting so much of my time on you, Jou. Next time, I think I'll leave you to your own devices."

Jou stared at him with a frown, almost as if seeing him for the first time.

"Who *are* you?"

"Who do I *look* like?" Bakura inquired impatiently.

"Bakura." Jou admitted. "But you're not him."

"No? Who else could I be?" His voice was like silk. "His evil yami perhaps, returned from the dead and more than willing to blast anyone who could possibly betray his return to the yami of that Yugi kid to the Shadow realm?"

"Uhm."

~tbc~


	10. Ten

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Seto/Jou, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 24th july 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the ninth chapter :

To Ivy Raine : ^_^ It just seemed so ... Bakura to say that. Glad you liked it!

To Dillon : *blushes* Wow, thanks! Hope I'll be able to keep it up. ^^;

To Ranma Higurashi : Hehe, I think he enjoyed himself too. Did my best. :)

To Gangsta Videl : Well, Mokuba is pretty fierce. Any comparison with Aya-kun stops there, I think. But glad to hear someone's still laughing at this fic!

To Seto-Kaiba's-fan : Thanks, I will. :)

To Cettie-girl : Yup, that's Bakura to the core. It's fun to write him that way. ^_^;

To Kaira-chan : Teehee ... I'll do my best, as always.

Bakura : I'm not cute! Though I *am* evil, with a capital E, so you got it half right. Ryou's the cute one in this relationship. I mean ...

Jou : You and Ryou are in a relationship?!? Wheeeeee! ^_^ Help me get Seto and I won't tell the world about that little slip of the tongue. Hehehehe.

To Rowan and Sakura : I just love to write those two fluff, almost as much as Seto/Joey. And since I couldn't give those two any ... ^^;

To Tokichan : Sorry if my many flashbacks confuse/bore you. It's kind of the style of this fic I'm afraid. Don't know where it crept in, it just did. -_-;

To Lethe Seraph : Thank you for your 'really flattering and intelligent' review! ^.~

To YAMIGIRL3 : All my yami-muses wish your hikari a quick recovery of good mood. 

Bakura & Yami : One thing we agree on is that an unhappy hikari is very bad. ^^;

To Mel Gods : Well, 'where one goes, more shall follow', ne? Besides, everyone (including me) has been unhappy with the situation for ... ten chapters now. Some change is in order. ^^;

To Kiawna : Yes, Jou was under some sort of influence when he hurt Seto. And Mokuba's too cute to be really mean ; he was just upset. He's just a kid, remember? He gets emotional easily.

Bakura : Yes, Yami made the drinks. It's all his fault. ^_^

To Kyuugi (Kyuugi and IIsha) : What can I say, Bakura is a complicated guy.

Jou : You could also just say he's insane.

Bakura : I like blood too. *grins and takes out knife*

Jou : o.O; Eeep!

To Suppis Tenshi : Well, since I more or less took the fluff out of Mokuba *looks guilty*, I decided to give this couple some. I'm really glad no one's yelling at me this is supposed to be Seto/Jou yet. ^^; But plot-wise, I just thought it'd be good to show a little more of how things are between these two. Seto's restricted to his house for now, by a certain insistent raven-haired kid. Ah well, that'll give Jou some time to think. And Seto too. ^^;

To Temptress Nagisa : Suicide? SUICIDE?!?!?! How sadistic do you think I am?!?

Jou : You honestly think she'd dare torture me for ten chapters and then kill me off? Without even a bit of fluff and snuggling up with Seto-chan? Of course not!

To BluBre3zeDr4g0nWing : Since you asked so politely ... ;)

To Lady Dragon : I mailed you a few of my reasons, hope they make at least a little sense. ^^; Thanks for reviewing!

*

This chapter focuses mainly on Yugi and Yami.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body.

**********

"Hello, Yugi. Is Jou there?" Mokuba sounded a little tense.

"Uhm, no, Mokuba. I haven't seen him since school. Why?"

"Who is it, aibou?" Yami asked curiously.

"It's Mokuba, asking if I know where Jou is." Yugi whispered, holding the horn away from his mouth for a moment. "Any idea?"

Yami shrugged. "His house would be a good bet, I guess."

Yugi nodded. "Have you tried his house yet, Mokuba? I can give you the number if you don't have - "

"His father says he hasn't been there since this morning." Mokuba interrupted him, a bit sharply.

"Sorry." Yugi mmbled. "Well, I'm afraid I can't help you then."

Mokuba sighed. "Thank you for your time. Bye."

"Bye." Yugi hung up, wishing he'd been able to do more. He found Yami staring at him with a pensive expression. "Yami? What are you thinking about?"

_"Hey, Yami ... are you there?" Yugi inquired, softly tugging at his lover's hair._

_"Of course I'm here, Yugi. Didn't you notice?" Yami smiled, raking his hand through Yugi's locks._

_Yugi pouted. "I didn't mean it literally."_

_"Then how *did* you mean it?" Yami inquired, bringing his hand down to stroke Yugi's cheek._

_As Yugi began to blush, he smirked._

_"You were thinking about something." Yugi frowned. "And I'm pretty sure it didn't have anything to do with *me*."_

_Yami rolled his eyes. "You sound jealous, hikari. It doesn't suit you. Besides, there's no need for it. I'd never consider replacing you with someone else."_

_Yugi hissed like an angry kitten. "Like I'd ever *let* you."_

_Yami laughed aloud, kissing the hard line of Yugi's mouth until it became soft and pliant again._

_"I love you, and you know it. So don't pretend otherwise."_

_Yugi purred softly, curling up to Yami. "You still haven't answered my question."_

_Yami gently nuzzled Yugi's cheek. "Your friend Bakura still doesn't have anybody."_

_Yugi blinked in confusion. "Neither does Jou. What's the matter with that?"_

_"Forget about it." Yami shook his head, himself not even remembering his reasons._

_"Make me." Yugi replied with an inviting grin._

"How did he sound?" Yami inquired.

"Who, Mokuba? A bit stressed, like it was really important he'd find Jou as soon as possible." Yugi glanced at Yami a litttle worried. "You don't think he wants to harm Jou for what happened to his brother, do you?"

Yami shook his head with a certainty he didn't feel. "That's hardly likely, considering Kaiba's personality. And Mokuba's. He and Jou get along pretty well."

His mouth twisted slightly. Deceiving his hikari like this almost made him physically ill. It was something that had come after he had acquired a body of his own, so he guessed there might be a connection.

Yugi smiled, seemingly not noticing his yami's unease. "You're right ; Mokuba's a nice kid. And he knows how Jou and Kaiba are. Still, I wonder where Jou can be."

Yami sighed. "He *does* have other friends beside you, you know. He could be anywhere. He's a free man, last time I checked."

Yugi blushed slightly. "I know. But what if he's in trouble? What if he needs us to be there for him and we're sitting here?"

"Yugi ... stop fretting so much. Jou's fine. Believe me." Yami smiled reassuringly.

"And Kaiba? He wasn't at school today." Yugi demanded.

"Kaiba will be fine too. I don't think there's anything that can get through that thick skin of his."

Yami's stomach turned, but he managed to keep a smooth face.

_"Love is nothing but an illusion." Kaiba declared, glaring at Yami, daring him to deny it._

_"To you, perhaps." Yami responded coolly. "I for one am positive it exists."_

_Kaiba looked away, staring out over the city._

_"Yugi ... "_

_"My aibou." Yami agreed. "My hikari and my lover."_

_"And what if *he* hadn't been the one who solved the Puzzle?" Kaiba growled. "Would you still have fallen in love with him?"_

_"I don't know." Yami admitted._

_"It was so easy for you." Kaiba continued, as if he hadn't heard the other's words._

_Yami snorted. "Confessing your love is *never* easy. But once you have ... you can't remember why anymore. Because it's beautiful, to have someone who cares that way about you." He fell silent, wondering why he had gone this far, waiting for a mocking remark from Kaiba._

_None came._

_Instead Kaiba sighed. "Love is nothing but an illusion." he repeated, without much conviction._

_Below them, a blond figure made his way down the street. Yami noticed how blue eyes followed it, until it rounded a corner and disappeared._

_"Jou ... " The name was a whisper on the wind._

_"Let's go back inside to finish our duel." Kaiba said abruptly._

"Yami? Is everything alright?" Yugi stared up at him worriedly.

"I'm fine, love." Yami smiled, pulling the smaller boy in his arms, suddenly wanting someone to hold on to. "As long as I have you."

~tbc~

A/N : I won't be much at home this weekend so the next update might be a little later than usual. At the most fourteen days, unless something really goes wrong. ^^; Sorry.


	11. Eleven

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Seto/Jou, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness, slight AU. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 29th july 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the tenth chapter :

To Cettie-girl : It simply seems to come natural to them. :) But yes, I must agree with you.

To DBZEcoGoth : Uhm, not that I know. ^^; Thank you.

To YAMIGIRL3 : *looks slightly worried* Well, I don't think the shounen-ai gets any heavier than it has been so far. But ... 'not throwing up' sounds like a poor substitute for 'enjoying reading'. ^^;

To Temptress Nagisa : Sorry, mentionings of suicide make me go emotional. ^^; Not much chance of lime or lemon ; the 'fluffy' moments between Yami and Yugi (or Ryou and Bakura) are about as far as I go. Sorry. Just isn't my cup of tea.

To Tokichan : Ah, sorry, yes, that *did* come out a bit long I admit. ^^; Seto and Jou are quite a long way from getting fluffy currently (a few chapters) but I'll do my best. Cast says 'hi' back. :)

Seto & Jou : -_- Haven't we suffered enough yet?!? Now you're going to dress us up as ... ARGH!

To Suppis Tenshi : Very glad you're not yelling at me. ^^; This chapter's not exactly fluffy, but in time, of course, I'll get there again. The guys deserve it, after all I've put them through.

To Seto-Kaiba's-fan : Thanks I'll do my best. :)

To SillyJilly : *blushes* Thank you. I must admit I'm not too happy with (the big brother of) my favorite character getting raped either, but once I had posted that first chapter, I felt obliged to continue it and make it all better. I aim for one chapter each week.

To Mavelus : Wow, thank you very much!

To Ivy Raine : ^^; Thank you!

To Kyuugi (and IIsha) : Well, a couple of thousands of years does give one a lot of time to think about matters like life, love and death, ne? Yuugi's possessiveness may be a bit of self-projection ; if *I*'d have a boyfriend like Yami .... ^^;

Bakura : 'Complicated', hmm? I like the ring of that. That means other people are just 'simple'.

To Ranma Higurashi : Uhm, no need to yell. ^^; (Don't think it really helps.)

To Sabby^_~ : Yup, and here's another one. :)

To Mel Gods : Well, there also was a bit of Seto and how he felt about Jou in that last flashback .... I know, poor excuse, ne? Sorry. I'm working on the happy ending. :)

To Lethe Seraph : Glad to hear you liked it! :) Remember patience is a virtue. ;)

To Nenya85 : Thank you for giving your views on some of the things that happened in the previous chapters. They're a lot like my own, so I'm glad to see I managed to convey them between the lines. The sadness should be followed by some happiness sometime. ^_^

To Rowan and Sakura : Hmm, if only they'd close the schools for hibernation (without cutting on the summer-vacation of course!) ... of course I wouldn't really want to sleep half my life away, but ... sorry for the long wait. ^^;

To Ruby Love : Thank you. Well, some things may not be quite as they appear to be (-_-;). As to your question, I've seen the serie until halfway Battle City or something like that.

To hieiandkuramalover : Well, you could only read one-shots ...or wait till a story's finished. Sorry for not wanting to rush this story on to a happy ending. ^^; (Well, I *do* want to rush, but ...)

*

This chapter focuses mainly on Ryou, Bakura and Jou. The last flashback borders on AU.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body.

**********

"Bakura?" Jou studied the white-haired boy who was frantically rummaging through a first-aid kit, compared him to the boy whom he'd seen beating up a bully and decided they couldn't possibly be the same. Which meant ...

"Yes?" Ryou looked up, his brown eyes smiling.

/It's a nice feeling, huh, having rescued a friend?/

// ... I didn't know you saw Jou as your friend.//

/I don't. But he's your friend, isn't he?/

"Are you ... " Jou hesitated briefly. "... all right?"

_"Are you all right, Bakura?" Yugi's eyes stared into his worriedly._

_Ryou managed not to grimace. He hadn't felt all right for a long time now, not since Yami ..._

_Dismissing that thought with a shake of his head - he couldn't do anything about it anyway, so why keep fretting about it? - he answered. "Sure, Yugi."_

_"You seem rather ... distant recently." Yugi remarked, frowning._

_"Like you're missing someone dear to you." Yami added, his tone nearly accusing._

_"Just a bit tired, that's all." It was true ; he felt utterly exhausted. It was as if all of his energy went into missing that dark part of him no longer there._

_Hardly a night passed without a dream of how it had been, how *he* had been. Normally, he'd have confided in someone, anyone, but Yami made it more than clear he considered the banishment of Ryou's yami a good riddance._

_"Oh. Well, I'll see you tomorrow." Yugi threw him a last glance, seemingly about to say something else, but Yami was already striding away and the smaller boy had to run to catch up with him._

_"Those blind fools may be taken in by your false reassurances, but I'm not. Something *is* bothering you. I can see it." A cool voice stated from behind him._

_He wondered what business of Kaiba it was if he was missing his yami, someone Kaiba probably wouldn't even believe in if he'd tell him about it._

"Sure. It's *you* I'm worried about." Ryou gestured to Jou's smudged clothing and bruised arms. "It's not like you to get so beat up. Are *you* all right?"

A shadow of a grimace passed over Jou's face, before he grinned and nodded. "He just surprised me, that's all. I'll be more careful next time."

Ryou snorted. "I should hope there's not going to *be* a next time."

"Perhaps ... " Jou's eyes seemed to stare into nothingness. "Can I ... ask you something? Something personal I mean."

Ryou blinked. He and Jou had never been that close really. Not as close as Jou and Yugi at any rate. "Yes, I guess. If you want to."

"Have you ever hurt the person you love?" Jou swallowed. "Really hurt them I mean, so bad you just know it's not ever going to be all right again?"

_"He won't do it without your permission." Yugi remarked, his purple eyes sincere and compassionate. "I won't let him, no matter what he says. It has to be your choice."_

_"I know." Ryou whispered, staring out over the sea of lights below them. He had gone out here to be alone, but Yugi's presence didn't bother him as much as Yami's or Jou's would have._

_He thought that maybe of all people, Yugi understood why he wouldn't simply say 'yes' and get it over with. Why he wanted to hold on to the darkness inside of him._

_"But ... " Yugi's hand touched his, cautiously, ready to withdraw at the first sign of rejection. " ... I think you should agree to it." Ryou shivered and the small hand was quickly pulled away._

_"Why?" Ryou asked, not exactly knowing what his actual question was._

_Why should he agree to it?_

_Why did Yugi think so?_

_Why did it have to be *his* choice? _

_Why couldn't he have a yami like Yugi's?_

_Too many questions. Too little time to find his own answers, rather than accept the ones others gave him. Yugi shrugged uncomfortably. "Because he's evil and he's hurt you."_

_"I just don't know ... " Ryou's shoulder slumped. He wished there was someone to hold him, to whisper everything was going to turn out just fine._

_"Think about it and tell us your decision in the morning." Yugi smiled reassuringly. "I'm sure you'll make the right choice."_

_A door creaked softly and he was alone again. Like he had always been. Until ..._

_/Why, hikari, don't I count for anything?/_

_He cried then, even if he couldn't explain why. Even if the voice in his head called him a weakling for not daring to do what was obviously best._

_/You never wanted me. You should jump at the chance to be rid of me for good./_

_//Shut up and leave me alone.//_

_Laughter filled his head then, its sound as bitter as his own tears._

"Once." Ryou replied calmly. "But that person forgave me. He hadn't ... been perfect either."

/This subject is upsetting you. Talk about something else. Those memories are none of his business anyway./

Jou sighed. "No one's perfect. Se- the person I was talking about never was exactly nice or even polite to me either. Still ... I want to make amends."

/Or let me take over. Let me deal with this./

//I ... //

_He hadn't counted on the pain, on the feeling of his head splitting apart._

//Maybe ... //

_He definitely hadn't expected to hear his yami's voice, raised in a wailing cry that consisted of nothing but his name, going on and on until he was reduced to sobs._

Ryou frowned, wondering where *that* memory came from. It hadn't really happened like that ; he'd only dreamt about it being that way. A nightmare. Nothing more.

/Forget about the hurts of the past ... / 

He allowed himself to be soothed, to give in to the lulling tones of his yami, dismissing his doubts as unimportant. Bakura was right ; the past could best be left in peace.

"You're at the wrong place for that, aren't you?" Bakura remarked pleasantly. "Kaiba lives in that big mansion not too far from here. Why not go there, instead of bothering people with your puny little problems in dealing with a crush?"

"I've already been there." Jou whispered miserably. "And I completely messed up."

~tbc~


	12. Twelve

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Seto/Jou, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness, slight AU. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 7th august 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the eleventh chapter :

To Ivy Raine : Hehehe, and it's a lot of fun to write evil characters too. ^^;

To Suppis Tenshi : *blushes* Wow, thank you! Though I hope I can also cheer you up a little soon. ^^;

To Gangsta Videl : *whispers* Don't tell anyone, but ... I wonder the same thing. -_-;

To SillyJilly : As long as it's positive, it inspires me to continue this fic to a happy ending. :) Thank you!

To Mel Gods : I honestly don't know ... five? Hope your chemistry report got finished in time! :)

To Rowan and Sakura : ^_^ Thank you!

Bakura : I was being nice in the previous chapter?!? Where, where? 

To Kaira-chan : Glad to hear you're not getting depressed by them (like I get from writing them ^^;). :)

To hieiandkuramalover : That's okay ; I just get a little stressed sometimes. ^^;

To Liviania : Well, since someone pointed out to me teenagers aren't allowed to drink that stuff, there was actually another reason for Jou's behavior. ^^; Thank you.

To Kaira Hesoka : I hope it'll get pretty and happy someday. ^^; Thank you very much.

To Mika Moto-Asakura : ^^; Uhm, I think you're both wrong. But thanks for the compliment. :)

To Mavelus : Sorry, but ... my schedule's rather full already. ^^; And I have other obligations aside from writing fanfiction too ... like uhm ... sleeping. -_-;

To YAMIGIRL3 : Well, at least it was original. ^^; Glad to hear so! :)

Jou : *sniffles* I want Seeetoooo! ;_;

To Deity of Sorrow : Well, there is going to be more yes. At least, I hope so. ^^; Thank you!

To Sabby ^_~ : Ah well, we all have our bad days, ne? Even villains.

To ColeyCarissa : Thank you!

To WutKindOfNameIsThis : Well, I use the japanese names in this, sorry if it bugs you. Glad you liked that flash-back! ^_^

*

This chapter focuses mainly on Bakura and Jou.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body.

**********

Silently cursing the blond who was staring at his feet, too lost in his own misery to notice, Bakura wondered what he was to do now. Or rather, how best to accomplish what he wanted.

Ryou had been very upset by the memories Jou's question had brought back ; he could still feel his hikari's distress through their bond, even if it was gradually fading. He wanted to talk to Ryou, reassure the boy he'd never have to go through something like what happened back there again.

Even if that might not be true ....

Jou had suspected something, and though he seemed to have forgotten for the moment, he might still tell Yugi's pest of a yami. When Yami'd directly ask Ryou, he'd have no chance to remain hidden. Ryou was too bad a liar for that.

He'd have to get rid of Jou, acting like Ryou'd have done. Only Ryou probably wouldn't have tried to get Jou away from him. Bakura sighed.

"Jou ... "

_"You really got quite a crush on the mutt, don't you?" Bakura laughed at the shocked expression on Kaiba's face at his words. The CEO had never been too close to Yugi and his friends, so he wouldn't find anything odd about 'Ryou's' behavior tonight._

_Originally he had told Ryou he wasn't interested in attending this cozy little party (Ryou's words, not his), but then Yami'd said something stupid to upset Ryou ..._

_He wondered if Yami did it on purpose, out of some perverse desire to punish Ryou for resisting him three days long, for being the vessel of Bakura. Perhaps he wasn't even aware of it himself._

_Yugi and Ryou got along quite well, though Ryou had become a little more distant after that night when he'd advised Ryou to get rid of Bakura._

_"I don't know what you're talking about." Kaiba muttered. Bakura concluded he wasn't quite himself this evening ; normally Kaiba'd have replied by a mere glare._

_"Of course you do." Bakura laughed, enjoying the flash of barely controlled anger in blue eyes._

_"He hates me." Kaiba hissed. It was, Bakura reflected, almost amusing to see how he hid his hurt and loneliness behind a mask of ice and fury._

_"And whose fault is that?" Bakura shook his head in mock-pity._

"Maybe I'd better go home." Jou rose from his chair, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Yeah." The word slipped out before he could consider it. "Maybe having some time to think things over will help you decide what to do." he added.

"I hope so." Jou didn't look very hopeful. "Sorry I bothered you."

Bakura managed a smile that wasn't too sour or angry. "No harm done." Not yet, anyway. If Jou'd stay much longer, things might get ugly though ...

Jou nodded and left.

_Watching the colors whirl around in his glass as he stirred the drink Yami had prepared, Bakura allowed himself a slight smirk._

_/Ryou? Feel like taking over again?/_

_//Hmmm? Oh yes, I'm fine. I mean ... if you want to stay ... //_

_/I don't. These people bore me./_

_//Oh.//_

_Ryou wondered why Bakura sounded a little smug, as if he was pleased with something he'd just accomplished. //Thanks for getting me a drink.// he smiled. //It's quite tasty isn't it?//_

_Bakura grumbled something, which only made Ryou smile wider. His yami still found something wrong with anything Yami did. He wasn't really surprised about that, really. There were times when he wasn't too fond of Yami either._

_/I thought you might want to go talk to Jou./_

_Ryou blinked, too stunned to continue bringing the glass to his lips. Putting it back down, he cautiously inquired : //Any particular reason why?//_

_/Problems of the heart./ Bakura sounded annoyed. Ryou supposed his yami didn't like having to admit he cared about other people's feelings or something like that. Or maybe he just felt he shouldn't care for anyone but Ryou ... a thought that wasn't quite unpleasant, Ryou had to admit, even if it made him feel a little guilty._

_//Kaiba seemed rather venomous this afternoon, didn't he?// he tried. _

_/More than usual? I wouldn't know./ Bakura seemed bored by the subject. /He's smart enough not to try and intimidate *you* with his attitude./_

_Ryou smiled. //All right, I'll go see if I can cheer up Jou a little. This drink should help.//_

/Ryou ... come back./ Bakura called coaxingly.

//Yami ... what if they try to tear us apart again?// Ryou sounded panicked.

/They won't. Not without your permission./ There was no accusation to the statement.

//I hope you're right ... //

/Stop moping, my foolish hikari./ Bakura ordered sharply. /It's no good. You're getting *me* depressed too./

//Haha.//

~tbc~


	13. Thirteen

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Seto/Jou, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness, slight AU. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 12th august 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the twelfth chapter :

To Rowan and Sakura : *coughs* I tried to give Bakura a lot of characteristics in this fic, but 'nice' wasn't one of them, really. ^^; Ah well, perhaps this chapter will change your opinion? I think, because of what they are, all yamis are more perceptive than their hikaris. Thank you! ^_^

To Kaira-chan : Yup, Bakura's guilty. Glad this fic doesn't make you sad or depressed! :)

To Ivy Raine : ^^; I'll do my best. :)

To Ranma Higurashi : Did my best.

To Suppis Tenshi : I'm working on a happy ending for all *three* couples, hope my muses won't desert me. ^^; Bakura's going to give me trouble, I just know it. Not to mention Seto and Jou ... Ah well, I'll definitely do my best, thank you for your wonderfully encouraging reviews! ^_^

To Seto-Kaiba's-fan : I try for weekly updates (on Wednesdays). Thank you!

To hieiandkuramalover : Thankies for reviewing! ;)

To Liviania : ^^; Yugi and Ryou just struck me as the law-abiding type ... and it fitted the plot better. ^^;

To Lady Gray : Actually, I tried to show how all their lives are affected by Seto's rape, even while they aren't exactly his close friends or something. But yes, other than Mokuba and Jou not many people seem to make as much as an attempt to help him. Thank you! :)

To Temptress Nagisa : Yes, fluff is good! Now, I'll only have to think of a way to fit it in this story without totally ruining the plot. ^^; Thanks for the encouragement! :)

To Mel Gods : Yup, if only because I can't take the depression this story gives me anymore ... ^^; Hey, no one's going to hate you for writing, or an unhappy ending! The amount of suicide fics out there proves that quite aptly I'd say. -_-; Thank you for your wish! ^_^

To Cettie-girl : Or maybe someone's pushing him that way ... ^^; Thank you.

To WutKindOfNameIsThis : You said the magical word so ... I try for an update every Wednesday. Though the ending ... I don't know. It may be a while. :)

To SillyJilly : Well, next chapter should clear things up a little then. ^^; But yes, Bakura put something in Jou's drink. Bad Bakura. ^^;

To Mavelus : Glad to hear so! Yes, Ryou has quite a lot of trouble hasn't he? ;_; I'll try make it all better. 

To YAMIGIRL3 : Actually, it was Bakura ; that's why he was staring at the drink so funnily and kept Ryou from drinking it himself. (Too vague hints, I know. Sorry.) I'll try for a happy ending. :)

To Psycho Chic : Thank you very much. ^_^

To DarkOpalDragon : And it's going to end very sweet and fluffy. Probably. ^^; Hope you'll still like it then! Thank you!

To Deity of Sorrow : Thank you very much!

To Tasan15 : Well, glad to hear it wasn't because you disliked it or something like that! Hope you'll enjoy this new chapter as well.

To Ruby Love : Well, part of the whole focus on Bakura and Ryou is to make That Night clearer. (Part of it is to satisfy my mood-of-the-moment, I admit ; sorry if it bugged you.) And hey, *points at notes below* this chapter's focusing on the main-characters again. ^-^

*

This chapter focuses mainly on Jou, Seto and Mokuba.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body.

**********

Jou was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why nothing in his life seemed to be in its place anymore. In the period of barely two days, everything had been turned upside down.

His father had knocked on his door earlier, asking if he wanted something to eat. 

When Jou had replied he wasn't hungry, his father had almost fussed over him.

"Is something bothering you, son?" he had asked. Jou had said no, he was fine. Everything was fine.

"You know you can always come and talk to me if you want to, don't you?" A somewhat uncertain hand ruffled his hair, before the door was closed behind the back of a man Jou didn't recognize as the hopeless alcoholic he had considered his father to be.

"Actually," he told the ceiling, "I didn't know that. Should I have?"

Unsurprisingly, the ceiling had no answer to that.

"Seto ... how am I ever going to solve *that* big mess?" Joey sighed, shaking his head.

_He wondered why Seto had to look so ... so *hot* tonight, for lack of a better word. Why had he accepted Ryou's invitation anyway, after sneering at Yugi and his friends at nearly every opportunity?_

_Didn't Kaiba have better things to do with his time?_

_"Well, well, if it isn't my favorite puppy." Seto smirked, sipping at that weird drink Yami had brewed after some ancient recipe he 'remembered' from his days as a pharaoh._

_The words sent a shiver down his spine, like they were a caress rather than an insult. It annoyed him that Kaiba could make him feel that way. He preferred his anger unmixed with other, strange emotions._

_"I hate you too." Joey retorted, not very original or witty, but who cared? More taunting would follow anyway, if not at this reply, than at something else._

_It was the way things were between them._

_Kaiba clacked his tongue. "Hate you? That suggests a much deeper feeling than I have for you, mutt. I could never hate you. You're simply not interesting enough to waste such emotions on."_

_"Oh?" Jou questioned with gritted teeth. "Does that mean you're in love with me or something?"_

_He'd have liked to say something sharper, but his mind seemed to be miles away, or turned to mush by the way his eyes kept being drawn to the way Kaiba's trousers hugged his hips._

_Kaiba snorted. "Nothing so extreme. Though maybe a little bit of lust every now and then ... "_

_Blue eyes sought his, challenging, inviting. It had gone rather hot in the room all of a sudden. Jou licked his lips, in an unconscious seductive gesture. Kaiba noticed though, leaning forwards a bit, enough to whisper the rest of his sentence in Jou's ear._

_" ... or a bit of pity for the poor puppy that gets mistreated by its parent."_

"He was just fishing of course." Jou assured the ceiling. "He doesn't know anything about my life, about what or who I care about. Even if it was kind of nice to believe he meant all that ... "

Jou yawned. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go to sleep just yet, wasn't sure if he wouldn't have those nightmares about what had happened later on that night of their conversation, but his body demanded he took a rest. Checking his alarm, he saw it was a few minutes to midnight.

*****

"Seto, it's almost midnight. You should be in bed by now, especially if you intend to go to school tomorrow." Mokuba didn't sound too happy at the last prospect.

He knew his big brother well enough not to protest openly though.

"So should you, Mokuba." Seto replied with a tired smile. "It's way past the usual bedtime for little boys like you."

Mokuba pouted, acting his part of the spoilt little brother. "I'll go if you go." he offered brightly. "How does that sound? Fair enough, isn't it?"

Seto sighed. "You go ahead. I won't be long, I promise. Just got this report to finish."

Mokuba peeked at the screen, noticing it was currently showing a document about the effects of a new corporate policy on the productivity in some office. That on itself wasn't unusual, but the fact that it was written two years ago was.

"It's not like that's something urgent." he scoffed. "You can look at those any time."

Seto bit his lip. "I ... "

"Please, big brother." Mokuba hugged his big brother firmly, suppressing the stab of pain as Seto instinctively tried to pull away from the proximity of someone else. "Come to bed. I'll keep the bad dreams away. *That*'s my promise, and I'll keep it too."

Seto rose, slowly allowing Mokuba to drag him away from the sanctuary of his workingroom, to his bedroom, where they had both slept, until he started to have dreams. Dreams that caused him to wake up in the middle of the night, the name of a blond mutt on his lips ...

_"Mokuba ... I think it might be better if you got a room of your own. If that's all right with you." Seto hastily added, anxiously awaiting his answer._

_"Because of your sex-dreams about Jou?" Mokuba asked with a sly grin._

_Seto coughed as he choked on his next swallow of tea. "Mokuba ... "_

_Mokuba laughed lightly. "All right, if it embarrassed you *that* much. And of course, once you get him, I'd have to move anyway."_

_More coughing and choking, followed by more laughter._

When Seto woke the next morning, a warm weight curled up against his side, he thought for one single moment his dreams had been real, and the past days nothing more than a nightmare.

Then Mokuba wished him "Good morning" in a sleepy voice, shattering the illusion. Guiltily smiling back, Seto rose and made pancakes for breakfast, as some sort of apology for wishing, however briefly, that it hadn't been Mokuba whom he woke up with at his side.

~tbc~


	14. Fourteen

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Seto/Jou, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness, slight AU. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 12th august 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the thirteenth chapter :

To Evil's Kitten : Yup. Even if my cheerful mood isn't exactly reflected in this chapter ... ^^; Thanks!

To hieiandkuramalover : Me too. So I'll probably think of some fluffy, utterly unrealistic ending soon. ^^;

To Kaira-chan : Well, I figured Jou'd need at least *one* nice person around. ^^;

To SillyJilly : Yup, love's a very confusing emotion. Luckily, it also guarantees happy endings. ~.^

To Ranma Higurashi : *coughs* Uhm, actually this was supposed to be the turning chapter from Angst to Romance. -_-; Sorry for failing at that.

To Ivy Raine : Nani? What's mean about chasing Seto's bad dreams away and teasing him a little with his crush on a certain blond puppy?

To Lightning Sage : Well, let's hope they can comfort eachother ne? ~.^

To Gangsta Videl : Mokie? MOKIE?!? _; Poor little fluffball! ^^;

To Rowan and Sakura : Yes, I shamelessly idolize the kid. 

Seto *fast asleep, mumbling* : My pup, I love you. Hmmmmm.

Mokuba *woken up by a sound* : Hey, might my big brother be dreaming about Jou?

Seto *still asleep* : JOU! I LOVE YOU!

Mokuba *puts pillow over ears* : That's real cute, Seto. I'm happy for you. Can I go back to sleep now?

To Cettie-girl : Well, he's *trying* to stop. Let's keep it at that.

To Kiawna : I don't know ; it's mainly a convenient plot-device. It's supposed to relax people (that's why Seto admits to having certain feelings for Jou earlier). Thanks for the compliment!

Bakura *sighs* : Yes, I put something in Jou's drink. But ...

To Tasan15 : Love conquers all. Even security lasers. ^^;

To Mel Gods : Well, Seto's more like 'I wish That Evening never happened and I could go on dreaming he'd kneel at my feet in adoration one day'. He'll Do Something About It soon, without Mokuba needing to do anything at all .... I must admit that to me, most stories come with characters attached. Inspiration's a weird thing I guess. -_-; Oh, and a fluffy kind of ending's on its way. ^^;

To Liviania : Sorry. ^^; Updating once a week makes for not too long chapters sometimes.

To DarkOpalDragon : Yeeessss! Someone's giggling over my fic! ^_^; Thanks!

To Mavelus : Hmm, maybe all anime fangirls are too busy writing fanfics to go to an anime club? ^^; Hope you'll be able to feel happy for the two of them soon too. ^_^

To Temptress Nagisa : Surprises? I feel like my writing is about the most predictable on ff.net, especially for people who have read some of my fics before. Nevertheless, hope you'll enjoy. ^_^

To Yunalesca Leyline Takami : Thank you, I hope I'll be able to keep it up.

To Seto-Kaiba's-fan : Thank you! :)

To Suppis Tenshi : Mokuba is near-perfect indeed, the way I see and write him (if he wouldn't be a character, people'd probably yell at me for throwing in a male Mary Sue like him ^^;). Seto needs someone with his emotional intelligence around. The fluff/Angst dilemma is tearing at me too ; I don't expect I'll be able to refrain from a fluffy, unrealistic ending much longer. ^^;

To YAMIGIRL3 : Yes, you did. And you have a point. ^^;

To Deity of Sorrow : Uhm, sorry. It wasn't supposed to be. (The authoress that goes 'Thank you!')

To Mimiheart : Thank you very much! ^_^

To viva rose : Thank you, I will.

*

This chapter focuses mainly on Yami and Bakura.

Ryou Bakura is called 'Bakura' when adressed, but I refer to him as 'Ryou'. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body.

**********

Bakura stared out of the window, into the darkness of the night, and wondered how much longer he could dance on the edge between light and darkness without slipping.

Ryou wasn't aware of any of this, of course, lulled to sleep in his soul-room. And if Bakura had anything to say about it, it would stay that way. He was more than able to deal with his own problems.

A vision of Jou's face seemed to question his confidence silently.

"Don't you dare look at me like *I*'m the one guilty for *your* misbehavior." Bakura hissed, angrily swatting at a spot of empty air. "I only removed a few of your inhibitions. *You* did it, in the end, *you* ought to take the responsibility."

After all, it wasn't as if Bakura had *intended* for Jou to go do something as drastic as to *rape* Seto. He had to admit the concept didn't upset him like it did Ryou, or Yugi, if the Pharaoh had decided to tell his precious innocent hikari the truth yet, but it hadn't been his purpose when he mixed an extra ingredient into Jou's drink ... 

_Jou was beginning to get affected ; Bakura could tell by the way his voice had started to slur just a fraction, the way his eyes were a little less focused._

_They had been following Kaiba all evening long, not even bothering to try and pretend not to. Yugi and Yami discreetly refused to notice it, by simply not engaging Joey in any kind of conversation that would require the blond to actually pay attention._

_From they way they eyed him, Bakura could tell they thought it was rather cute. Which went to prove what idiots they really were ; what was so cute about a mooning dog?_

_At least Kaiba had taken some initiative, some first step, earlier that evening. Though the CEO might be telling himself he was just playing mindgames with Jou ... _

_Bakura smirked. There were so many fools in the world, so many people wearing masks even they themselves believed to be their true faces._

_How could anyone ever hope to make sense of it all, to *know* anyone else? Even Ryou, with his soft heart and doe eyes, behind which a sharp mind lurked, shied away from seeing the reality. Instead, his hikari preferred innocence._

_Ryou stirred, sleepily sending a thought that was little more than a wordless question._

_// .... ? //_

_/It's nothing, my light. Sweet dreams./_

_Sending the equivalent of a gentle kiss on the forehead through their mindlink, Bakura shushed Ryou back to sleep. Ryou's body would still be tired tomorrow morning unless Bakura went to bed himself, of course, but his mind would be rested and refreshed._

_He wondered what Kaiba's and Jou's awakening would be like ..._

Now, he knew. And Ryou might know too, at least some of it at any rate.

The nightwind that carressed his bare skin sent a shiver through his body, Ryou's body. Rising he decided he'd better go check the windows ; apparently they weren't all closed yet.

*****

Ruby eyes studied the sky. A hint of pink on the horizon hinted at the morning soon to come. Yami wasn't sure if he was looking forwards to another day of deceiving Yugi.

In fact, he was pretty damn sure he wasn't. But what was the alternative? Jou was one of Yugi's best friends, the one he trusted most after Yami himself. And while Yami had been more or less dropped into Yugi's life, Jou had chosen to befriend the smaller boy, and vice versa.

Kaiba was just his opponent, a bad loser, an arrogant jerk, a spoilt millionaire, someone who was constantly picking on people he considered inferior to himself, like Yugi.

Like Jou.

And yet ...

_He couldn't recall a day on which he had seen Jou happier than today. His sister, who had been operated once already for her eyes, would come out of the hospital today, after a second, more successful operation. The doctors were postitive she wouldn't need a third._

_All of them had accompanied Jou there, if only, as Honda had joked, to keep Jou from walking under a car because his head was up in the clouds. Ryou and Yugi had smiled at that, while Jou for once didn't even seem to notice he had been insulted._

_Mai and Anzu had sent cards, neither of them able to make it back to Domino. Mokuba was there though, claiming his big brother was too busy to join them. Neither of them had had the heart to oppose that statement, to point out Kaiba wouldn't have come if he wouldn't have had a single meeting to attend all week._

_Shizuka seemed to radiate as she appeared, smiling and rushing at Jou as soon as she saw him. Yugi and Ryou's eyes seemed to go a little moist when the two siblings embraced eachother, while Mokuba wore a wide grin. Yami felt happy, mostly because Yugi's emotions spilled over._

_He was the only one noticing the doctor who had walked into the hall after Shizuka, holding a small envelope, looking uncertainly at the scene before her._

_"Is something wrong?" Yami asked, softly to keep from alerting his hikari._

_"Well, the bill ..." She bit her lip, not having to continue. _

_"You can send it to my big brother, Seto Kaiba." Mokuba quipped, apparently having seen what was going on. Yami glanced at him questioningly, while the woman nodded relieved and left._

_"What's Kaiba going to think of that?" Yami inquired._

_"Seto ordered the bill to be sent to him in the first place." Mokuba shrugged. "You didn't think they'd have operated her without being sure of payment, now, did you? I have no idea why she even had to come here." He frowned. "Maybe some administrative messed up again."_

_"Does Jou know ... ?" Yami wondered what effect it would have on the blond, being in Kaiba's debt like that. And what would Kaiba demand in return?_

_"Of course not!" Mokuba fidgeted. "Please don't tell him either. Seto doesn't want him to feel he owes him anything. Promise you won't tell anyone!"_

_Yami nodded. "No one except Yugi." Mokuba's face fell. "I can't keep any secrets from my aibou." Yami explained patiently. "We share one soul."_

_Mokuba sighed and nodded his agreement._

Here he was, doing just what he had told Mokuba to be impossible.

Here he was, knowing everything he did about Seto Kaiba, the man behind the mask of coldness and still unable to feel a single shred of pity for him. 

Instead, he pitied himself, for having to lie to his hikari and Yugi for sooner or later having to find out Jou wasn't the person he had thought he was, that Jou was capable of ripping another person's heart out and suppressing the memory.

~tbc~


	15. Fifteen

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Seto/Jou, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness, slight AU. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 16th september 2003, by Misura, 15th of 18[???]

Thanks to the people who reviewed the fourteenth chapter :

To hieiandkuramalover : AU stands for Alternative Universe, meaning certain things in a fic contradict events in the 'original'. In this case, it refers to Ryou's flashbacks about how he 'lost' Bakura the first time, thanks to Yami, which aren't in keeping with the way that took place in 'reality'. ^_^;

To Mimiheart : Thank you! Angst is not my usual genre really ... ^^;

To Ranma Higurashi : Well, that's putting it mildly, ne? ^^;

To Mavelus : Yup, he did. I mentioned it sideways in an earlier chapter and I thought I might as well make a flashback about it.

Yami : The road to fame is filled with hardships. Believe me, I can know. All those psychos out to get you ... all those weirdos who think they can beat you ... fools. ^_^ Who persevers is victorious in the end.

Seto, Bakura, Marik and Pegasus : Hey! We resent that! -_-

To JuniperMoon : Nope, no Egyptian flashbacks I'm afraid. I'd probably end up confused with my AE AU fic in the process. ^^; Thank you!

To Ivy Raine : Well, Seto acts that way because of the first rule of this fic which is 'Seto loves Joey and vice versa'. The Nile isn't just a river in Egypt and all that stuff ... Sorry if that wasn't clear.

To Suppis Tenshi : *coughs* Actually ... I intended to just skip that day and move on to the happy-go-lucky days. -_-; My angst-muse wails I'm going to kill the plot now ... my fluff muse says it took me way too long. ^_^;

To Rowan and Sakura : Hm, yes, they do treat their hikaris different, don't they? Not sure who's going to end up happier though ... I've actually used 'Jou' for all past fourteen chapters. ^^;

To SillyJilly : Nono, there's going to be a *happy* ending. To the fic, that is. ^^;

To Lightning Sage : I wonder why I made everyone so miserable in this fic ... Thank you! :)

To Kaira-chan : Yami is merely emotionally handicapped because of his strong bond to Yugi, that's all. As long as Yugi doesn't feel sorry for Kaiba, Yami can't either. And as long as Yami keeps hiding the truth from Yugi ... ^^;

To Seto-Kaiba's-fan : Yes, he is, isn't he? Glad you liked it! :)

To Lethe Seraph : Sorry for the sadness, it'll get better soon. Thanks! :)

To Deity of Sorrow : Thank you. Isn't depression natural with a penname like yours? ^^;

To Kiawna : If you're only getting sad at this point, I can reassure you, you'll cheer up soon. Happy ending, I promise. :)

To YAMIGIRL3 : Or perhaps Fate is to blame, for providing the 'perfect' time and place. Blame and responsibility are not easily divided in this case I think. And does it really matter? ... Thank you! :)

To DarkOpalDragon : Well, Bakura didn't really *mean* to do it, ne? No more than Jou ...

To Yunalesca Leyline Takami : *hands shake too bad to type anything* o.O ...

To Cettie-girl : Yes, he's really not that bad underneath all that ice and denial ...

Bakura : Of course I'm right! I always am. ^_^

Ryou : -_-

To BluBre3zeDr4g0nWing (Harika) : Hope you got my Bad News e-mail. -_-; Sorry. Thank you! :)

To Nenya85 : *blushes* Thank you very much. I hope you will not be too disappointed by the way I wrap some of the sub-plots up in the end. Yami's position is, indeed, somewhat odd in this. It wasn't my intention to make him seem heartless though. The *want* to care is there, only the sentiment itself lacks. Subconscious, there may be a certain animosity towards Kaiba and Joey yes, just like Bakura has a certain sole focus on the way Ryou feels. Bakura's placing of the guilt with Jou might not be as clear as it seems (at least, it wasn't meant to be thus) ; isn't 'love' as in 'wanting to keep another person from harm' rather than 'love' as in 'wanting to possess another person' an inhibition of its own that can be stripped away? Is unselfish love part of human nature?

Pegasus : -_- What is this, a philosophical discussion? People aren't interested in your view on the world, unbeloved authoress.

Sorry if that sounded way overboard or like some freak's ranting. I … just can't quite put my thoughts to words.

To Liviania : Perhaps … or perhaps he merely likes to *think* so.

Pegasus : Misura is in a somewhat odd mood this morning. Sorry.

To Shadow Star : Thank you! I hope I will. 

*

This chapter focuses mainly on Yugi, Yami and Jou.

From now on Ryou Bakura is called 'Ryou' when adressed. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body. I just found myself slipping too many times. ^^;

**********

Yugi was unusually quiet as he and Yami walked to school that morning. There was a nagging unease in the back of Yami's head, a feeling he couldn't quite put to words. He thought it probably had something to do with Yugi.

Everything that bothered him had something to do with Yugi, just like everything that made him feel good was related to his hikari. He felt uneasy about that sometimes, about the way his emotions seemed to be focused exclusively on Yugi, leaving nothing for others.

Well, he did care for Yugi's friends too, of course. He didn't like seeing any of them hurt. He had risked his life to save Ryou, when the spirit of the Sennen Ring had awoken.

The only person whom he might have been able to talk to about the way the bonding between yami and hikari worked, and he had ruthlessly destroyed him.

Ryou's yami had been dangerous, to the point of insanity, a threat to his hikari's safety and health of mind. Yami had been justified in his actions, he told himself. Ryou ought to be grateful to him, not throw him veiled looks of hurt and something that bordered on fear.

_"You know, it's really not his fault." Kaiba's remark seemed to come out of the blue. In fact, Yami hadn't even noticed he was no longer alone in the room until the CEO had spoken._

_"What is not whose fault?" he asked, absentmindedly. Once Kaiba would have spoken the words of yet another challenge for a Duel, Yami would start paying attention again. For now, Kaiba was just a nuisance that distracted him from his thoughts._

_"It's not Ryou's fault his Sennen Item contained a hostile Spirit you felt obliged to kill." The last word sounded like a challenge, though not of a kind he'd expected._

_"I ... he deserved it." Was this how Jou felt when Kaiba cornered him, humiliated him with mere words?_

_His voice sounded defensive, even to his own ears. He wasn't used to this feeling, this obligation of having to justify his actions to someone._

_"Ryou deserved the other half of his soul being torn away and you flaunting that accomplishment for the rest of his life?" Kaiba inquired with mock-surprise._

_Yami narrowed his eyes. How *dared* Kaiba twist his words like that, making him sound like ... like he was no better than the likes of Bakura or Kaiba himself?_

_And how could he not have foreseen that trap, the way those words could -and thus would- be used against him? He wasn't Jou, to be too consumed by his emotions not to mind his words around Kaiba._

_"I didn't mean that, as you know very well." There, that should put Kaiba back in his place. "Now, if you want to Duel, just say so and we'll get on with it. Although," he smirked, "I doubt if you'll be any more successful than the last time."_

_Kaiba glared at him, before coldly turning around and leaving, closing the door behind him with a soft click. Somehow, Yami didn't feel as victorious as he felt he should have._

******

Jou opened his eyes, wondering for a moment why he was alone in bed. Hadn't there been someone else there, holding him and whispering words of love and affection in his ears until he had drifted off to sleep? His memories on who, exactly, this person was supposed to be, were a bit vague but ...

_Blue eyes ..._

"Damnit! Why can't I .... ?" Jou hid his face in his hands, wishing desperately he could go back to that dream. Or to the night before he ruined the chance of his dreams ever becoming reality.

"Jou? You want me to call school and say you're ill?" His father knocked on the door, not coming in. Jou wished there was someone he could hate, someone he could yell at.

"Nah, I'm fine." Well, not really, but ... how could he stay home 'ill', because he had ...

"Better hurry up then, or you're going to be late." The sound of feet departing.

Jou sighed, quickly picking some clothes to wear. He was trying to remember if there was any homework they had to turn in today while packing his bag, but he couldn't recall anything.

_Blue eyes ..._

He wished he could forget about other things as easily, even if he felt selfish for doing so. Didn't he deserve to be haunted by those images? Especially considering what he'd done to make amends thus far, which was appallingly little.

_Blue eys gazing into his own, dragging him under while lifting him up at the same time, higher and higher in a spiral of emotions._

_Hands, wandering over his body, making his skin burn with heat, or freeze over with cold as they passed on, their touches never more than a brush, never establishing enough contact to satisfy him._

_Lips, tasting like fire on his own, burning with a fire too hot, too bright. And yet he wanted them to deepen the kiss, to taste that flame more deeply, more fully. _

_The touch of skin on skin, making him feel more vulnerable than he'd ever felt before. He wondered if the other felt the same, or if this was, as all of their encounters, a battle. One he had lost._

_Though really, if losing felt like this, he couldn't care less. _

_A name rose to his lips, even though they were still sealed by that other pair of lips, belonging to the other, like he himself would, if such a gift would be accepted._

_"SETO!"_

_He woke to the sound of his father banging on his door, asking what the hell he thought he was doing, making so much noise in the middle of the night._

_His sheets were soaked with sweat, his body still flushed with heat. A cold shower took care of that, even if his father started yelling at him again for it._

Jou wondered if Kaiba would be at school today, and what he was going to do if that was the case.

~tbc~


	16. Sixteen

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Seto/Jou, Ryou/Bakura, hints at Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness, slight AU. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 24th september 2003, by Misura, 16th of 18[???]

Thanks to the people who reviewed the fifteenth chapter :

To Mimiheart : Thank you very much. Nice to hear that dream wasn't too sappy or something. :)

To Kaneda-Shotaro and Yami Tetsuo : You said the magical word, so here it is! :)

To Yunalesca Leyline Takami : Thank you, I will. :)

To Liviania : Ah, the joy of coffee in the morning ... ^_^; Thank you.

To hieiandkuramalover : Thank you very much! Hope it's not going to disappoint ... :)

To Rowan and Sakura : ^^; I consider it rather flattering you've read so many of my other fics in which I use 'Joey'. This fic's an exception, really. InuYasha ... he's very cute indeed, ne? ^_^

Mokuba *pouts* : Cuter than me? Cuter than Seto and Joey doing naughty things in a hot tub?

Seto & Joey : o.O; 

To Scarlet Ice : Thank you! :)

To SillyJilly : Read and find out ... :)

To Kaira-chan : Yeah, poor Yami. Yet another person I'm making miserable in this fic ... -_-;

Pegasus *holding a Funny Bunny-plushie* : Have no fear, the fluffy-muse is here! ^___^

To Kiawna : Yami has trouble 'cause he's a yami. ^^; Read and find out ... kind of. 

Pegasus : I think Misura's a bit of a tease. Or just uninspired for the 'big scene'. -_-;

To Lethe Seraph : You spoke the magical word so ... hope you'll like this one too. :)

To Mavelus : Even one as depressive as this one? Thank you! ^_^

To YAMIGIRL3 : *coughs* I prefer the term 'shounen-ai' really (lit. 'boy-love'). But glad to hear this fic manages to keep your attention and approval inspite of its contents. ^_^

To Seto-Kaiba's-fan : Ah, siblings can be fun, ne? *pokes Seto-muse and Joey-muse*

Seto & Joey : Yes, siblings are a lot of fun to have. -_- We know. You have our sympathy.

To Nenya85 : Thank you for not minding my personal interpretation of the yami/hikari bond in general and the character of Yami in particular. Part of it came from how Yami only seemed to take over when Yugi was either in danger or dueling (even at the 'date' with Anzu his first words are 'But this isn't a duel!'), while f.e. Bakura seems to take over when he feels like it. And of course there's the fact that Seto's a reincarnation of the Priest who defied him, even if Seto doesn't really seem to accept that.

To Lightning Sage : Thank you very much, especially for your favorable comments on that dream. I felt a bit unsure about it ... ^_^;

To Cettie-girl : Thank you. *sighs* I do feel guilty about what I'm doing to the poor characters in this fic. ^^;

To Sunrise and Sunset : *coughs* You read *fifteen* chapters of a fic on a pairing you don't 'typically like'? I feel flattered ... ^_^;

To Mayou : I don't know how or why they got so much attention ; it just happened while I was writing. Sorry. I try to update every Wednesday (local time, so it may be Thurseday or Tuesday to you ^^;). Glad you like my consistent use of flashbacks. ^_^

To DarkOpalDragon : Hm, I hope the end that's soon to come won't disappoint too much then. ^^; Bakura … well, he *is* Ryou's darker half after all. Not sweet or nice. Thank you very much! ^_^ (So many rerererereads and you still like it? Wow! *blushes*)

To Evil's Kitten : *hands over a chocolate covered Farfarello* There, does that cheer you up a little? Well, after this there should be two more chapters. Not that much 'more' I'm afraid. ^^; Glad you liked it thus far! 

To Suppis Tenshi : Well, I hope the everything-gets-good-again part isn't too unlikely or sudden. I just couldn't stand it anymore … ^^; Glad you enjoyed that little scene! ^_^

*

[!] Warning : My fluffy muse kicked the plotbunny.

This chapter focuses mainly on Ryou, Bakura and Seto.

From now on Ryou Bakura is called 'Ryou' when adressed. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body. I just found myself slipping too many times. ^^;

**********

"You could stay home another day." Mokuba proposed hopefully. "It's not like you *need* those lessons at school."

"I'm going." Seto replied curtly, half-heartedly chewing on his pancake. It wasn't too bad really ; he wouldn't have prepared them for Mokuba otherwise.

Mokuba sighed, comforting himself with another pancake. "You'll go home when you can't deal with it, won't you? And call me?"

Seto glared at him. "I can 'deal with it', with *him* just fine." There was no way he was going to admit he couldn't, even if it would kill him. There was no way he was going to slunk away, like a dog with his tail between his legs.

"If you say so." Mokuba didn't sound too convinced. "Thanks for the breakfast, big brother. You're a great cook!" A last smile, a quick hug and Mokuba was gone, off to school.

Seto was touched by his confidence ; he had feared Mokuba would be more insistent on him remaining home, postponing the confrontation. Part of that had already taken place of course, when Jou had popped up all of a sudden for a visit, but that meeting hadn't resolved anything.

Rather, its only effect had been opening Jou's eyes to the ugly truth of what had happened that evening. Ignorance had been bliss indeed for the blond. Who could predict how he would act around Seto now?

_"Good morning, mutt. I see you're in time for school this once. Amazing." Seto sneered, brushing past Jou, forcing the blond to either run after him or let the taunt go unanswered._

_Of course, Jou'd never choose the latter option._

_"Why can't you leave me alone?" Jou growled, in spite of the fact that *he* was following Seto around at the moment, not the other way around._

_It amused Seto, to make a detour to his seat just to have Jou trail him like a faithful pet would run after its owner. Resisting the urge to pat Jou on the head and say something along the lines of 'good doggie', Seto considered the question for a while._

_That Jou was standing next to him, fuming in silence, only added to his enjoyment._

_"Because you're so predictable. Controllable." He smirked. "I could make you do anything, just by pressing the right buttons."_

_"That's ... not true." Jou seemed to be taken aback by his answer, paling. Ah yes, he probably didn't like the thought of anyone being able to control his actions, to play him like a puppeteer._

_Seto vaguely recalled something about the Sennen Rod and it being used to pitch Jou against Yugi. _

_He shrugged. "Perhaps not anything. But then again, why would I want to? You mean nothing to me but an amusing way to pass the time, to make school a little more interesting."_

*****

/Why are you so nervous?/

"Just a feeling, yami, that's all. Do you think Kaiba will be there today?" Ryou collected his notes, sorting them by subject before putting them in his bag.

/How should *I* know? Call him, if you're that eager to know./

"No, thanks. He probably has a morning temper." Ryou shivered proverbially.

His yami 'hmph'ed. /If he does, it sticks with him all day./

Ryou chuckled, carefully placing his lunch in a position where it was least likely to be crushed by his books. "Kaiba's not that bad, really. Just a bit hard to get through to."

/A masterful understatement./

"No really. He ... tried to comfort me while you were gone." Ryou knew he had picked the wrong words as soon as they had left his mouth.

A rush of envy soared through the bond, combined with suspicion and possessiveness. Not to mention a death-threat adressed to Kaiba if he'd even done so much as *touch* Ryou.

"Silly yami. It wasn't like that at all." Ryou shook his head, wondering briefly, in a distant part of his mind when he had stopped being bothered by his yami's violent urges.

_Below him, waves were crashing on a deserted beach. The salty seawind tugged at his white locks, brushing away the equally salt tears._

_Being alone now equalled being lonely again. Even if he craved it, he could feel it was destroying him too, because he couldn't bear it anymore._

_"He's not truly gone." Kaiba's voice drifted to his ears. He hated the other at that moment, for reading his mind and feelings so easily. Unfair, that someone so cold and emotionless could do that. "Yami said so himself."_

_"Because I'm still alive." Ryou whispered. If Yami thought it was needed, would he prefer to kill Ryou above letting Bakura take over his body again? _

_Would Yugi let him? Would Yugi be able to stop him, if he didn't agree?_

_"Because he is a part of you. Your personal darkness." Kaiba corrected him. "All feelings you never admit to having, all your hatred and fears personified." He sounded almost wistful._

_"He's dead." Ryou wanted to scream those words. And stop crying at them._

_"Not unless *you* kill him." Kaiba sighed. "You can talk to your darker half, argue with him. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? The rest of us just has to find a place for them in our own lifes, suppress them or let them loose. No one is completely free of darkness. That's just not possible."_

_Ryou considered those words for a moment and decided Kaiba was a rather weird person._

/You were right, hikari. Kaiba *is* a rather weird person./

//What about Jou?//

/What about him?/

//That night ... // 

/Perhaps his own darkness surfaced for a moment. But he was still him./

Ryou frowned, struggling with this concept. //Does that mean you're still me when you take over?//

~tbc~


	17. Seventeen

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Seto/Jou, Ryou/Bakura, hints at Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness, slight AU. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 28th september 2003, by Misura, 17th of 18

Thanks to the people who reviewed the sixteenth chapter :

To Yunalesca Leyline Takami : -_-; I know. Sorry.

To Mimiheart : ^^; Hope you'll find this chapter a bit more satisfactory! ;)

To Kaira-chan : *giggles at the Seto-comments* Yes, he does have a heart. And sharp eyes. :)

To SillyJilly : Watched too many toons? ^^;

To Rowan and Sakura : Hmm, I have to agree on the ears. And personality-wise InuYasha is kind of a mix between Joey and Seto too (a temperamental puppy who denies his obvious crush). Or maybe I just think that due to a certain obsession.

Pegasus : I have white hair too, you know. ^_^ All pretty and shiny!

To DarkOpalDragon : Glad you liked it! ^_^

To Seto-Kaiba's-fan : Thank you! :)

To Tasan15 : Well, what Bakura was trying to say was that everyone's character is a mix of light and darkness. Yamis are manifestations of the dark part of their hikari's mind, but everyone can be controlled by their 'darkness' (f.e. when they're angry) for a while. Sorry if it was a bit vague. ^^;

To Ranma Higurashi : Don't know about Hell, but *I* updated as usual. ^^;

To Mavelus : Well, the end is coming near, so Kaiba'll get all better soon. Ryou already is, kind of, since Bakura got back already. Of course he still has to tell Yami one day ... Thank you! :)

To Kiawna : ^^; Well, he is a CEO after all ; he must have *some* skills at reading people. And with Yami being the one who hurt Ryou ... 

To YAMIGIRL3 : Oh yes, Kaiba can be nice. Ask Mokuba ... ;) Thank you.

To Ivy Raine : Or maybe I just write him that way ... -_-;

To Lightning Sage : Glad you didn't dislike the concept. ^_^; Thank you very much.

To hieiandkuramalover : Well, hope this chapter cheers you up a bit. ^_^;

To Psychotic Kitten : Hmmm, Padfoot on a dogleash? Joey in an Ancient Egyptian slave-costume? Glad you liked the chapter! ^_^

To Nenya85 : *blushes* You don't think Kaiba's ooc? Thank you! I was a little afraid I'd gone a bit over the top in making him so observant and sympathetic, so it's nice to hear you, at least, didn't think so. ^_^

To Lalaland400 : Thank you! 

To Cettie-girl : Well, compared to certain characters from Yu Gi Oh, I think most people are pretty normal. But yes, everyone has his/her moods. I wrote the first chapter of this fic in a mood like that. ^^;

To Suppis Tenshi : Well, this chapter's the one before the last one so things should start to wrap up in this one. Hopefully in a satisfactory way. ^^; Thank you very much!

*

[!] Warning : My fluffy muse kicked the plotbunny.

This chapter focuses mainly on Jou and Seto.

From now on Ryou Bakura is called 'Ryou' when adressed. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body. I just found myself slipping too many times. ^^;

**********

Jou made it to school in time. Barely. He slipped in just a few seconds after the bell, while the teacher had her back turned to the class to write something on the board. Yugi gave him a small smile as he sat down next to him.

Busily unpacking his bag, searching for something he could write with, Jou only noticed the person two rows in front of them when the teacher had already begun her lesson.

Not even seeing the worried glances Yugi threw in his direction, Jou stared like transfixed at the back of Seto Kaiba, who sat diligently bended over his books, not once looking back.

Which, of course, was nothing new. It only *felt* different today.

The sound of the bell surprised Jou ; it seemed hardly any time had passed. Yugi's four pages with notes proved differently though. He'd have to ask if he could copy those later.

First, he had to ... talk to Kaiba who was nowhere to be seen anymore. Jou cursed under his breath. This one time he actually *wanted* to see Kaiba ...

_"You know, you're always there when I turn my back. What's that supposed to mean?" Jou demanded._

_"Why would it have to mean anything?" Kaiba replied calmly. "Besides, I could say the same to you, with much more reason."_

_"That's rubbish. I hate you. I wouldn't mind never seeing your face again." Jou bit back, heatedly. He was lying ; he knew he would definitely miss Kaiba. But why admit that?_

_"Well, that's just too bad." Kaiba shrugged. "I have no intention of moving anytime soon. I guess you're stuck with me, mutt."_

_Stuck with Kaiba ... that actually didn't sound too bad. Rather ... reassuring._

_"And you're stuck with me." Jou retorted cheerfully. "So, what are you doing this evening? We might as well make it a date if we're going to end up in the same place anyway."_

_He made sure it sounded like a joke._

_"Don't try sarcasm, pup. It doesn't suit you." Kaiba's voice sounded cold. Apparently he'd pushed Kaiba's limits with that little remark. "Stick with stupidity. It fits you much better."_

_It might have been a nice illusion to pretend there was some tenderness, some caring in Kaiba's smile as he brushed past Jou, barely touching his hips as if by accident. Perhaps it was._

_After all, what was the alternative? That Kaiba did it on purpose, that he was flirting with him?_

_Impossible._

Walking to his locker, Jou was still muttering. Yugi had hastened off to lunch with Yami, after throwing an apologetic last look in Jou's direction, who had casually waved his concerns away.

Stuffing the books he no longer needed in a corner that wasn't filled with other stuff yet he didn't immediately notice the presence behind him, didn't hear the soft footsteps approaching.

Until a hand grabbed his collar and spun him around, his back pressed against the now closed door of the locker, and a pair of ice-blue eyes stared into his, that was.

"S-seto."

He wondered why he used Kaiba's first name now, wondered if Kaiba was going to kill him. Even though he had been wanting to talk to the CEO, this hadn't exactly been the position he'd had in mind for their conversation.

_Jou couldn't help but wonder sometimes. Wonder why Kaiba never laughed in his face and refused when Jou challenged him for another Duel._

_Especially after Yami refused to Duel Kaiba one day, claiming he was too busy with other stuff to 'give him the beating he deserved'. It was the first time Jou wasn't the direct cause of Kaiba nearly losing his cool composure._

_"Well? Are you going to keep me waiting all day?" Kaiba's voice cut through his reveries._

_Jou flushed, quickly placing a magic card face down on the field and ending his turn. He had hoped to have drawn the Red Eyes Black Dragon by his third turn, but thus far he hadn't been that lucky._

_The only good thing was that Kaiba didn't seem to have gotten any of his Blue Eyes either._

_Still, Jou didn't have much real hope of winning this game. It was more an attempt to see how many lifepoints he could get before Kaiba had killed him._

_Kaiba placed another monster on the field, face down. The CEO seemed a bit bored today. Perhaps, if Jou really put his mind to it, he could profit from that. The problem was, of course, that Jou wasn't too concentrated on the Duel either._

_"Do you think I'll ever beat you?" he asked, slamming his Red Eyes on the table with a triumphant smile._

_Unimpressed, Kaiba drew and placed one of his Blue Eyes on the field, in attack mode. For a moment, Jou wondered if he'd had it in his hand all along._

_"Don't be ridiculous, mutt."_

"Jou." He was surprised to hear his own name from Kaiba's lips, tried to remember if the CEO had ever used it before. He didn't seem to be able to come up with a single occasion.

He wondered if that was a good or a bad sign. What did Kaiba want with him anyway?

"What - " he began to voice his question, only to be interrupted by Kaiba.

"I'm not afraid of you." Kaiba said, in a voice so soft it was barely more than a whisper. "I'm not."

Jou opened his mouth to say he hadn't thought so either, but found his lips sealed with a kiss that was about the last thing he'd expected Kaiba to give him.

His mind then concluded this had to be another dream, before shutting down completely.

~tbc~

Author's note : *glares at the unrepentant fluffy muse* 


	18. Eighteen

Not the way you want

Warnings/notes : Seto/Jou, hints at Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, rape (referred to in flashbacks only), slightly dark, oocness, slight AU. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 28th september 2003, by Misura, 18th of 18

Thanks to the people who reviewed the seventeenth chapter :

To hieiandkuramalover : ^_^ Glad you liked it!

To Mimiheart : Here's a little bit more. :)

To Ranma Higurashi : You said the magical word so ... :)

To ObiWanGirl : ^^; Thank you very much! :)

To Kaira-chan : ^^; Yes, well, he's not really the type to go sit crying in a corner either, is he? And he couldn't very well just *ignore* the whole thing so ... Glad you didn't dislike it! :)

To Yunalesca Leyline Takami : *smiles back* I hope I will. :)

To Xiaolang's Ying Fa : *blushes* Thank you very much! And rest assured ; that kiss wasn't a dream. ^_^;

To Mayou : *beams and blushes* Thank you very much! :)

To Suppis Tenshi : ^_^ Glad you liked it that much!

Pegasus : And thank you for the kiss! Teehee! ^_^

To Lightning Sage : Well, yes, he is scared. But, being Seto, he faces his fear and kind of tries to regain control of the situation. Don't know about those love/death impulses ... ^^; Thank you! :)

To Kiawna : Yami hurt Ryou by taking Bakura away, that's all. Not ... intentionally. Thank you! :)

To Tasan15 : No dream, I promise. ^_^; Glad you liked it!

To s.h.i.r.o.i.k.e.t.s.u.e.k.i : ^^; Yup, that did come a little sudden, didn't it? Glad you liked it still! ^_^

To SillyJilly : ^^;

To YAMIGIRL3 : Kaiba freaked out Jou by kissing him. That's all that happened. The rest of the story is in this chapter. Glad you didn't dislike it! :)

To DarkOpalDragon : Thank you! ^_^

To Leaf Zelindor : Glad you liked it! I must admit I enjoyed writing it ... ^_^;

To Ivy Raine : *points at genres* This fic's 'Romance' so I couldn't let him hate Joey. Plus, the notes promised it's a 'Seto/Joey' so from the first chapter you could've known it'd end like this.

Pegasus : *gets kicked* Argh! ;_;

KaiJou#1846 (aka Plotbunny) : *bares teeth*

Rape generally does not inspire feelings of hate in its victims. Fear and withdrawal, yes, but hatred, no. Seto is *scared* of Jou but he knows that if he gives in to it, he'll be unable to live with himself. So, he confronts Jou and tries to reassert his position of control in their relationship.

To Mavelus : Glad to hear you liked it! ^_^

Pegasus : *bows* Thank you very much! ^_^

To Cettie-girl : ^^; Glad you didn't dislike that scene! :)

To Sunrise & Sunset : Hey, if you don't mind me writing chapters on a sugar-rush, I definitely don't mind you reviewing in the same state of mind. ~.^ Glad to hear you enjoyed this story so far! And that you like the Seto/Jou-pairing now too, of course!

To Temptress Nagisa : Thank you! Here's the final chapter, hope you'll like it.

To Liviania : Yes, fluff can be quite fun, ne? Glad you liked it.

*

[!] Warning : My fluffy muse kicked the plotbunny. The last flashback ends right before the rape and is a bit on the freaky side.

This chapter focuses mainly on Jou and Seto.

From now on Ryou Bakura is called 'Ryou' when adressed. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body. I just found myself slipping too many times. ^^;

**********

Seto Kaiba was kissing him.

Seto. Kaiba. Was. Kissing. Him.

Jou wondered if the light feeling in his head was caused by lack of oxygen, then wondered why he was thinking of something like that.

His hands came up, settling on Seto's -since when was he thinking of Kaiba by his first name?- shoulders to ... shove the other away almost violently.

There was a reason why he shouldn't let Seto do this, he remembered. What was it again?

No matter, he'd think of it again.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?!?" he yelled. Seto flinched.

_"What do *you* want?" Jou asked wryly, noticing Kaiba had, once again, seemed to follow him outside._

_Kaiba shrugged. "I don't like people or parties."_

_"What else is new?" Jou snorted, leaning back against the wall. "But hey, if that's so, why did you come here in the first place? You could've just told Ryou you were busy or something."_

_Kaiba raised one eyebrow. "You suggest I'd have lied to your friend?"_

_Jou blinked. "Well, you always use excuses like that with Yugi. And with ... other people." He couldn't actually think of any other people with whom Kaiba ever had contact at school._

_Was Mokuba ever told his big brother was 'too busy'? _

_"I haven't ever used it to you." Kaiba replied. "Or Mokuba." he added, as if reading Jou's mind._

_Jou frowned. That almost sounded as if Kaiba was trying to tell him something. Only, being Kaiba, he couldn't just spit it out. No, he had to speak in vague terms, leaving it up to Jou to guess what he truly meant. Jou, whose head felt like it was going to burst any moment._

_"So? Big deal." he retorted. "I know better than to ask you for anything. I just haven't given you the opportunity to use it against me."_

_"You ask me to Duel you about once a week." Kaiba pointed out._

_Which was true, possibly even on the mild side. There had been weeks when they'd Dueled three or four times. Jou had never won yet. He probably never would._

_He knew that, Kaiba knew that, but still ... they Dueled._

_Because ...._

_Because ...._

"I am not afraid of you." Seto repeated, strengthening his hold on Jou's shoulders again.

"So ... that's a reason to kiss me? I r- " Opening his mouth had been a mistake, Jou reflected. It seemed to draw Seto's attention to his lips. Though maybe he should be thankful he had been prevented from saying the word he'd been about to utter, even if it was the ugly truth.

"Yes." Seto replied. Jou wondered what he confirmed.

"Isn't it a little too late to start a happy, romantic relationship?" Jou inquired. Part of him wanted Kaiba to rage at him, to accuse him and hurt him by walking away without looking back.

Another messed up chance to write on his account, another screwed up attempt for happiness. Wasn't that the way the world worked? Happy endings only occurred in faerietales.

"Who said anything about a relationship?" Seto murmured. For someone who had been hesitant to shake his hand only a few days ago, Seto seemed rather eager for contact.

"You - " Jou sputtered.

"Me?" Seto shook his head. "Not really. But now that you mention it, perhaps we should try. Not like there's anything we can loose, is there? No more secrets .... feelings better left concealed."

_"Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever claimed to understand you?" Jou asked. _

_"Why would they want to?" Kaiba seemed slightly amused. "Only curious little puppies want to search for big things like Truth and Love. The rest of the world has learned to settle for less."_

_"Sounds to me those 'little puppies' are smarter than the others." Jou growled._

_"They would to you." Kaiba's amusement was clear now. "You're one of them. You haven't learnt yet that fire isn't the only thing that burns."_

_"You're either drunk or intentionally vague, to annoy me." Jou sighed._

_"I know it may sound incredible to you, but annoying you is really not my top-priority in life." Kaiba smiled, looking almost human for a moment. Human and tired. _

_"You're right. I do find that rather hard to believe." Jou grinned. "You know, I think we're going to break a record tonight. We've been talking for ten minutes now, and we're still speaking."_

_"Extraordinary." Kaiba agreed solemnly._

_Jou found that extremely funny for some reason and made the mistake of starting to giggle. Which more or less ruined the moment, sending Kaiba back inside, a scowl on his face._

_Jou didn't know why he took offense at that, why he felt obliged to stop Kaiba, to grab his arm and -_

_twist it around until the CEO yelped and -_

_ignore the pleading in blue eyes and -_

"I still say it's crazy. *You*'re crazy, being alone with me like this." Jou protested.

"How? Holding you pinned against the wall and at my mercy?" Seto sighed. "You can only hurt me with words now, by saying you didn't mean what you said."

_"I love you, I love you." He recognized his own voice, sounding oddly in the night._

_Yet if that was true then why was he -_

"I know I owe you but ... " Jou bit his lip. Wasn't there something he had read about this kind of stuff, about victims falling in love with their assailants?

"Katsuya Jounouchi, more than anyone else, you owe yourself." Seto gazed at him sternly.

"I love you." The words had an eerie echo. And yet ... they were true. He believed in them.

Seto nodded, once. "It may just be enough. Or not. It's a chance I'm willing to take. Are you?"

Jou wondered if he had the right to ask if Kaiba loved him as well. Still, he *knew* how Seto was with feelings. Perhaps he'd simply have to take a chance, try for a future in which Seto would be able to say those three words to him, without any haunting echo or memory.

"Yes."

~OWARI~


	19. Epilogical snippet

Not the way you want – Epilogical snippet

Warnings/notes : Ryou/Bakura and Yami/Yugi, slightly dark, oocness, slight AU. 

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. 

written at 11th october 2003, by Misura

[!] This snippet's not really much of an epilogue. I just found it floating around in my note-book and I did write it to be used at some point in the main-fic so … The flashback takes place while they're flying back to Domino in Kaiba's helicopter, at the end of Duelist Kingdom.

*

Ryou Bakura is called 'Ryou' when adressed. His yami is referred to as 'Bakura' when he has taken over Ryou's body. I just found myself slipping too many times. ^^;

**********

Ryou knew who was coming, even before the sound of the doorbell alerted him he had a visitor. The Sennen Ring was lying on his chest, feeling cold and warm at the same time.

Feverish. Not too different from the way Ryou felt himself.

/Relax, hikari. No one's going to hurt you./

What could he say to that? That it was sweet of his yami to lie like that? Yeah, right, like *that* would make Bakura any happier.

/It'd be nice to hear though./ his yami murmured.

//You're very sweet, yami.//

Unsurprisingly, his yami snorted. /Hopeless. Utterly hopeless. Really, hikari!/

//You said you wanted to hear it.// Ryou defended himself, stung.

/Hmmm, I didn't mean it. Now go open the door./

Ryou was halfway when he realized what he was doing. And what his yami had been doing.

//You're trying to distract me.//

His yami sighed and Ryou could almost *see* him rolling his eyes.

_"I'm not scared of heights, I'm not scared of heights, I'm not - " Ryou whispered, careful not to look out of the window of the slightly crowded helicopter._

_"Great view, ne?" Jou enthusiastically punched him on the shoulder. "Got to hand it to Kaiba ; he does have some good stuff."_

_"Jou ... " Yugi began, a note of disapproval in his voice._

_"Yeah, yeah, I know what you're going to say." Jou raised his hands. "I'll be a good dog and say 'thank you' when he gets us safely home, okay?"_

_"Just for your information, pup : dogs don't talk." Kaiba, having somehow managed to turn around in his seat next to the pilot, glared at the unrepentant blond._

_Jou shrugged. "Heard that, Yug? Kaiba-san doesn't want my thanks."_

_Yugi sighed, too polite to make the remark that lay on the tip of his tongue, but clearly wishing he was somewhere, anywhere else._

_For about a quarter, a brooding silence hung in the cabin. Then, Jou gave a cry of excitement._

_"Look! I think I can see our school from here!"_

_Before he was even conscious of the gesture, Ryou turned his head._

_It was quite a long way down ... and there was no way he could let his yami take over, not in the present company._

_/Can you really see your school?/_

_//I ... well, yes. Over there. That would mean our house is ... //_

Yami wasn't alone. Yugi was with him, looking pale but determined. Ryou wondered what that signified, what decision had been made about him.

/Us./

//But Kaiba said ... //

/... that you could argue with your darker half, that that made you a lucky person and that you were the only one who could truly end my existence./

//Yes.//

"Ryou .... " Yugi's voice trailed off uncertainly.

"You know why we're here." Yami spoke up. Ryou wondered who he meant by you ; just him, or his yami as well. "We're here to help you."

His yami hissed angrily, while Ryou did his best to remain polite. The same words as the first time.

/But not the same outcome. I'm not going to let him hurt you like that again./

"Both of you." Yugi added hastily, seemingly guessing the way Ryou's thoughts were going. "Yami thinks he can give your yami a body of his own too, if we combine the Sennen Puzzle and Ring."

"Your mindlink would still be intact." Yami explained. "But the Tombrobber would no longer be able to hide behind you and your innocence. One wrong move ... "

/I bet he'd like to do that, to crush my mind./

//Can he really give you your own body?//

A slight hesitation. /Yes. Probably. The Sennen items have that power, if combined./

//Do you want it?//

A longer hesitation. /Hikari ... do you know what will happen if we're no longer in one body?/

//What do you mean?//

Silence.

//Yami?//

Ryou frowned, then turned his gaze back to Yami and Yugi. They had sat down on the couch, a few inches apart at first. During his conversation with his yami though, they had shifted closer to eachother, until Yugi was practically sitting in Yami's lap, his head resting on Yami's shoulder.

//I love you.// It was true. Even if his yami would be no more than a voice in his head for the rest of his life, a presence in the shadows of his mind, Ryou would never be able to give his heart to anyone else.

The response was immediate.

/I wish to protect you. Always. Even if you're one silly hikari./

It was more than he'd hoped for. //That's settled then.//

/Ryou ... /

He nodded at Yami, while Yugi smiled and drew out the Puzzle. 

And as the light surrounded him like a blanket, Ryou considered there was only one thing left for him to worry about now.

Which was how on earth he was going to explain Bakura to his father.

/We'll think of something, hikari./

//Together.//

"Yes." Arms embraced him, a body pressed to his in a gentle embrace, like he was made of glass and the person holding him was afraid to break him. "Together."

~OWARI~


End file.
